Thoughts and Prayers

#shewasgoingforarun #vaccineinjuredlivesmatter

Aisling Murphy was killed as she jogged in a park in County Offaly at 4pm on the 12th of January. She was 22. Everyone is sharing on social media about how tragic the loss of her life is. And it is tragic. It’s horrendous. To be attacked and killed in a park in daylight while exercising is, well, I have no words. But I couldn’t bring myself to share about it on social media. I couldn’t join in with the #shewasgoingforarun movement. Because so many people right now are being killed. Dying before their time. Being murdered. Murdered in the cleverest way possible, leaving no tracks. Some of them are not dead yet but they are dying and they may not even know it. And to mention only one person who has been murdered is not giving any recognition to the others.

Many people see what is happening, they just can’t say it out loud. Because if you do speak out on social media then you are cancelled, vilified, told you’re the criminal. If you are in a position of power and speak out about it you are possibly putting yourself in harms way. Real harm.

Any loss of life is tragic when it is before its time. As a believer in God I have to question what “before its time” actually means. What free will really means. What evil means and why it exists. And I question how much evil is actually right here in front of our faces, and how long it’s been here. I question how much we have to leave in God’s hands and how much we need to take on for ourselves. And most of all I question why the world is such a hostile planet.

I am often prompted into action and my form of action is usually to write. But today I couldn’t write on social media about how heartbroken I am around Aisling’s death, even though I am. I couldn’t say it without saying that she’s not the only person that has died without just cause in the last 12 months. I couldn’t write about how heartbroken I become when I hear that someone just drops dead unexpectedly due to a ‘sudden illness’, or goes into a seizure, or looses the use of their limbs, or their actual limbs, or their sight, or their peace of mind. I have tinnitus and I know how valuable peace of mind is. I can’t write on social media about how I get a pain in my own chest when I hear someone else who was healthy and fit, suddenly has had a heart attack. And my body seizes up when I think about the parents who have offered up their children to this. I cannot fathom this situation at all.

What is in one is in the whole. I want everyone to wake up but I have learned that I don’t always get what I want. I am more awake than ever and I want to shout what I am thinking and feeling from the rooftops, but a massive wall of cognitive dissonance is in the way. I understand why, I had it myself, and in parts I still do. Incomprehensible doesn’t even begin to describe the process of the massive awakening that is required. So right now I have to hand my pain and frustration, my anger and my rage over to God. I have learned that spiritual people get angry and experience rage. New learnings are coming in thick and fast for many of us, and I know there is still much to learn. I am alive and mostly awake, and I am so grateful for that. I live to protect my children and I will fight for them every day. I want to fight for all the children, including the grown-up children. I know that I can’t do it all myself, and neither can you.

This piece of writing is called thoughts and prayers. Because it’s all I’ve got right now. You’ve read my thoughts. Now hear my prayers.

Dear God,
Please help me get through this, please show me what you want me to do. I am in service to you, my hands are your hands, my mouth is your mouth. Give me the words to speak and write. Please, please, take my pain away so that I can bear being alive in the midst of all of this.

Dear God,
Please end this madness. Please wake the people up. Please give people the strength they need to say “No more”. Give them the wherewithal to walk away and finally live in freedom and peace.

Dear God,
Please send strength to the truth-seekers, the mavericks and the lightworkers. May they have the protection, resources and the power that they need to break through and end this horrific chapter in the history of mankind.

Dear God,
I don’t understand your plan nor do I understand why there is so much evil in this world. I know that it is not for me to understand everything. I can only trust that you are watching us and watching how we behave in the face of it. May you hold us in the palm of your hands. May your children’s souls be safely residing with you.

Amen.