Things that I am letting go
I built a new foundation and I'm very choosey around what I put into it.
Our minds need something to do; they like to keep themselves busy. Lately, for me, there has been plenty to do, to mull upon, or to worry about. My mind has been very busy! I’m sure yours has been busy too. It’s exhausting.
When my mind is not so busy it likes to criticise me, and I noticed that while my mind was engrossed sifting through information trying to find what is true and who to trust during the plandemic, there was a significant absence of self-criticism. I was completely absorbed. But now, not so much, as I take a deliberate step back from it all. I can breathe, finally. It only took me about a month since Ireland has relaxed the restrictions to get to this point.
I made the space for myself to heal and I am healing. I am also making plans (which was something that I didn’t do for the longest time), and I finally managed to take myself out to a restaurant for lunch. The food wasn’t so great, I didn’t miss very much. But I did it without anger, without fear or a need for vindication or revenge. I even brought my laptop with me and edited some work while I had my coffee. And I will add here that I deliberately gave myself my full permission to do it; particularly as a friend of mine in Italy, who is under stricter restrictions than we ever were in Ireland, asked me to have a cup of coffee out for her, because she’s not allowed to.
I cannot suffer anymore because other people are suffering. My suffering doesn’t bring them relief. And when I suffer I wear myself down, and then I am no good to anybody. So I send energy, light, and prayer to anyone who is still caught in the throes of tyrannical, maniacal madness, but I allow myself to heal. Perhaps you’ll join me for a moment now and visualise the truth as the lion let loose, and the good people of the world coming together to stand in the light, and be free.
My pattern of self-criticism has started up again. It made me laugh, actually, when I caught it. I see it as another tangible sign that I am healing. However, I don’t like it and I do not have to put up with it. I didn’t miss it, I did just fine without it. It’s time to let that go, along with the many other things that I have been letting go of.
I look at myself now and see who I have become. I speak out without hesitation, I can hold my tongue if needed, but I will not tolerate lies or deception as before. My heart is loving and I put God at my centre. I have a vocation, I always did; but I stand so much stronger in it now. I am disappointed with the evil that I see around me but I allow myself to see it, and I do not feel like I have to fix it or change it. It doesn’t exist for me alone. It’s a catalyst for our evolution and it’s doing its work.
I do not have to fix or change other people, either. I never chased after anyone before, anyway. If someone wants my help, they will come to me and ask for it, and I will help them. The type of people I help now have also changed, this is a reflection of my own growth.
The hardest thing for me lately has been the blatant not-listening, the not-wanting-to-hear-truth, that the cognitive dissonant people are practicing. It’s difficult when it’s in your family or it’s someone that you love. I never did ‘I told you so’s’ and I still am not doing them, nor do I feel the need to. The truth can stand up for itself. I am beginning to be able to let all of this need to have them hear me go too, without guilt.
Once of the downfalls of the spiritual movement is that it has been infused with a New Age tenet stating that we cannot judge. I say not so. Judgement is vital, especially now. We are supposed to judge what is good and what is evil so we can see clearly what it is that we are choosing. I advocate judgement as long as it is with balanced heart and mind, and not coming from a place of fear. I see all of those people around me who choose from fear, who have no spiritual vocation, and no love of truth above comfort. I can still love them for who they are, but I no longer feel sorry for them, or guilty that I am leaving them behind.
This is the foundation that I am building for myself. I no longer need to cling to anything while I feel it solidifying and holding me stronger than I have been before. It’s freeing writing this here, and I feel grateful to share my process with you. I hope it inspires and motivates you with your own.
I claim my space in the world. I have a spiritual vocation. I choose the light. I choose truth, I choose God. These choices affect everything else that I choose. My soul knows what is true and what is not, even if I don’t always have the worlds to say what that is at the time. I follow my intuition first, and ask questions later. I do it more frequently now, my intuition is my inner compass.
When my mind gets in the way and tries to placate me, or make excuses, or tell me a story to take me away from that clarity of direction, it presents me with too many choices and muddles the situation. I do not need a story around something to judge if it is good or evil. I can test the energy of that thing and I will know immediately. This self-criticism is a distraction and takes me away from my spiritual journey. It’s parasitic and saps my energy. It’s time to let that go, too.
With you dear reader as my witness, I say a gentle ‘thank you, but no-thank-you’ to my self-critical mind. I say to it lovingly, ‘My dearest mind, you are so very useful to me, but my intuition and vocation are my true centre now, not that thing you keep dragging me back to. Don’t worry, I am not going to kill you off as you are my friend and I love you. I still need you and I always will. Let’s sit together with whatever feeling I am feeling that spurns you to criticise me, until it passes. Then together, you and I can choose to make sense of it, or to let it go. But there is nothing wrong with me, just as I am, in this moment. I accept myself completely. I am good enough for me.’
My mind is silent right now digesting this. It feels good. I am safe. I am here.
Perhaps you’ll join me in this process of renewal, of shedding dark energy, for yourself. Feel free to try my statements above with your own mind. Or read them and plant them somewhere in your consciousness as a seed for later. Perhaps you’ll become triggered by this post and your mind will start telling you all the reasons why I’m wrong, or why you’re wrong, or why you’re not ever going to be good enough, for you. Let me know what comes up for you in the comments if you want to. Healing is a process, and we need to give it time.