I am a writer and I’ve not been writing

Psychic fields and agricultural fields have more in common than I realised.

I awaken this morning after a night which felt like half of me stood by my bed to make damn sure that I slept while the other half of me lay down in the bed and closed her eyes and tried to sleep. I think I needed to put the armour of God on at some point because it felt like a marathon, as it does every night, and I woke up disoriented, as I usually do. I’m no good in the mornings, I need till at least 10am to get myself together.

I trundled downstairs to let the dog out, switched on the kettle and now am back in bed sitting here with a cup of tea trying to bring the disassociated parts of me back together. I don’t remember what Joe Rogan said or how many guests I went through, probably not that many, but I thank him for holding space for me as I played his show on my android music device and listened with wired headphones that are designed for sleep. I don’t like doing this but sometimes music wakes me up when the beat is off, or one instrument chimes higher than the others. Talking is much easier to tune out.

I tell clients not to listen to things they have not listened to before as they sleep, as you don’t know what energies are lurking in between the words in any talk show, or music for that matter, especially when it’s online, and especially if it’s on YouTube. So I chose the Spotify version of Joe as the lesser of two evils - we do what we have to do to get rest. I focused my energy on getting a night’s sleep and I remembered, as I went upstairs, that I had bought a weighted blanket last year. I got that down from the high shelf and put it on top of my duvet. Well, it is December…

Less than 2 weeks to Christmas.

Last night my youngest daughter asked me if her Dad knew anything about crop rotation because she was writing about for homework. ‘Maybe because he has an allotment he knows something?’

I said, ‘I know something…’

'But you’re not a farmer, I know something too, we read about it in school. I just wondered what he knew, from experience, that would be different.’

I like that she can tell the difference - at 15 years old this is a big learning that many adults have yet to embody. Reading something in a book vs actually doing it in real life is not the same. Experience is better than theory. I was berated for bringing scientific experience into the theoretical narrative, as I am sure many of you were too. Insanity prevailed, but from the turn of events and the astrology at hand, it feels like it will not prevail for much longer. Yay!!

The thing is - I feel like I know about crop rotation from experience. So do you, but maybe you’re not aware?

The idea of crop rotation is to cycle different crops in a field, so that the soil doesn’t get exhausted of specific nutrients. For example, if the farmer plants corn, then the next crop they plant could be beans, as the beans return nitrogen to the soil that was used up by the corn. Planting corn 5 years in a row means the quality of each crop is reduced over time due to a lack of vital nutrients, such as nitrogen.

It really is the same for a person, isn’t it? When we do the same thing over and over again we get bored, and put less ‘nutrients’ into each ‘crop’. It becomes harder to stay motivated. They do say variety is the spice of life.

In agriculture, there are simple rotations, and more complex ones. There also is the option for fallow time, where the farmer leaves the field unplanted for a period of time, to allow for a deeper recovery. It helps return the natural balance of the field ecosystem and keeps the soil, the microbes and the pollinators healthy. We need our fallow time too.

Last week I wrote an article for Substack entitled ‘I’m a writer and I’m not writing’, as I thought I was taking some unprescribed fallow time. I didn’t like what I wrote enough to publish it, something didn’t work for me, so I left it as a draft. As I come back to it today I see it in a new way. I have not been fallow, I’ve been incredibly busy, yet I saw my busyness as a list of excuses as to why I wasn’t writing. It felt wrong though as they are not excuses as they have consumed my vital energy, the nutrients of which I need available to write something that I would think of as ‘juicy’. From where I am standing (or sitting) right now, I clearly see that I need some fallow time before my psychic field fills with nutrients enough to write again.

A project that we may have in common dear reader, such as, ‘Keeping sane in an insane world,’ takes up quite a lot of psychic space. Currently my project of, ‘I need to get a good night’s sleep’ is taking up far too much psychic space than I’d like. But not sleeping takes away vital energies as well. Neither of these may be of the kind of projects we planned or wanted to be consumed by, but they are here, consuming us nonetheless.

I think we put an awful lot of pressure on ourselves to do ALL the things, when we are already doing so many. We need to give ourselves a little more credit. Can you check your psychic field right now and name all the projects that are consuming your energy? I hope this helps you take some pressure off yourself when you realise it.

I now understand the reason why I also have no energy (or desire) for exercise is because I’m spending my energy on: ‘I need to keep bright and cheerful in front of the children even though the sunshine has been missing from the sky for the last 3 weeks.’ This one does take up quite a lot of my essence.

I love the sun, and it has been overcast for weeks. All these things take their toll on our psychic essence. It’s time to replenish, which I find harder to do during the winter months if it does not involve comfort foods or alcohol. I’m spending energy on that too - another project, this one I call, ‘What can I do to give myself a treat that doesn’t involve food or drink?’ You can wish me luck with that one!

As I look back on the year I am so grateful for all that I have learned, for all of the people that have come into my life, for the joy and happiness that is in my house. I put that as a priority project - joy and happiness in the house - there is only so much a person’s psychic field can hold. My writing will have to wait.