As I write to you I feel a fondness in my heart for you, dear reader, as you accompany me on this rollercoaster ride that we’ve all been experiencing. And wow, are there ups and downs! The ups for me have been (and still are) high - elations, epiphanies, realisations and validations of who I thought I was. I have been given signs, proof that God exists, that Angels are real, Demons too, and that I have indeed had past lives. My psychic abilities of late are laser-sharp and manifestations are fun and easy and I really need to be aware of the power of words, thoughts and deeds. How about you?
I truly have had some amazing experiences in the last several weeks. But I’ve also had the foundations of my belief system blown apart more than once. I thought I was finished with that as it’s happened so many times in the last two years when it comes to structures and institutions, when it comes to people and mass psychosis, cognitive dissonance and even now, people in denial and pretending that nothing happened. The gaslighting is rife. The last 2 years blew apart one of my primary conditioned beliefs - namely that the government and health system do actually care about the health and well-being of their people. That one is obliterated for sure. However, I have been questioning our history - once I saw the blatant lies they’ve been telling us about the plandemic, I wondered - what else have they been lying about? Probably everything. It’s quite a shock to the system, and I don’t know if I was quite ready for it. I found myself replacing one narrative for another in the hopes that I could use it to repair my shattered foundations of story around who we are and why we are here, and our heritage and history. But it doesn’t work that way.
When I was in secondary school my Geography teacher shocked us by locking us into his classroom. He said he would let us out if we could prove to him that America existed, just by using the items we could find in his room. We didn’t have internet or smartphones in those days, just books, maps and photographs. He had a map of the world on his wall of course, being a Geography teacher. When we pointed America out to him as if he was an idiot, he responded with ‘That map is a pretty picture that someone drew and told you what it was and you believed them - how convenient it is to want to believe it. I want you to prove it to me.’ The exercise of realising that we could not actually do this was disturbing to some of us, sure we laughed afterwards, once he unlocked the door having proved his point. For me this experience had a deeper impact on the structure and foundation of my belief system. Someone told us America existed, and we believed them, therefore it existed. What else do we believe just because we have been told?
I’ve always been open to the possibility that our lives here are not what we think they are. I often ask my children ‘What if God made you exactly as you are now, only 10 minutes ago, with your memories intact?’ They laugh at me, then get frustrated when, upon giving me what they think is an obvious response to my question I say, ‘Yes, but God made you think that was the case.’
Perhaps I deserved to have my own foundations shattered for playing such games with them - it’s not a pleasant experience and very different to just entertaining the idea that we are not what we think we are, that the world is not what we think it is, and that everything we were told is wrong. Like knowing someone is dying, and thinking that you’re prepared for their death and then being hit by a freight train of emotion the moment they actually die and being in shock from that. The impact of the actual event is far greater and unpredictable than playing it out in your mind.
I went searching for another narrative to replace my original. I didn’t realise I was doing that at the time, I thought I was just doing ‘research’. I found what I was looking for and was delighted with it, until it went so deep and shattered further foundations of mine that I was not expecting it to touch upon, and then presented me with another narrative to use in their place too, which, being vulnerable in the moment, I gratefully accepted. Once I caught my breath I realised what I was doing. Thankfully the information wasn’t in my consciousness long enough to take hold.
We long to be handed the truth, the bona fide truth, validated and stamped with a seal of approval, but that is not going to happen because - well, who is approving that message? What is their agenda? And are they working for someone else? Will we ever be rescued from the bad guys? No wonder super-hero movies are doing so well in the box office! Our inner-child selves are longing for a super hero to come and take care of everything. Yes please! In front of our very eyes would be best, but we would be satisfied to know it was happening in the background. But we cannot live out of our inner-child selves and leave the adult work to others. Who would you trust to look after you? We have the ‘side’ of government and institutions, and the ‘side’ of the resistance, and both ‘sides’ are playing a game with us. The best thing we can do is grow up, take responsibility for ourselves, and step away from both of them.
The hard and difficult path is the one we must travel down. The good news is, we are in an auspicious energetic times. The eclipse and the current cosmic alignment are a powerful vehicle for change. Knowing the energies are behind us gives us a unique opportunity to truly step away from all of this mess, and focus, really focus, on what we have here, right in front of us. Focus on what we know, what we are choosing, who we are spending our time with and what we are doing with our time - how we sabotage ourselves, hold ourselves back and play the small game with our lives. Why are we still doing this to ourselves, even now? The energies truly want to help us change our detrimental patterns, the energies are supporting us in dropping our addictive behaviours, dropping our negative self-talk, letting go of self-sabotage.
Are you ready?
Why are you holding yourself back? Why are you still playing your life so small? To make sure you don’t upset the apple cart? The apple cart is already upset - and so are we. Fuck them and their games. I have no more time for games.
Let’s use the eclipse energies to help us step out of our smallness and our apologetic way of being. It’s time to reach for the stars, to remember who we truly are, and to do those things we long to do. To actually do them, instead of worry about what people will think of us if we do them. Who cares what they think anymore?
Fear of failure holding you back? Let that go and go do it anyway - life is short and precious; time is our most valuable commodity now.
It’s exciting - we don’t know who we are, why we exist, but damn it let’s make the rest of our lives here something we can be proud of. I always say - If you want more beauty in your life, deliberately fill your life with beauty. Go do that thing. Especially now, as we are not beholden to anyone. And I’ll be here cheering you on, clapping for both your failures and successes (because failure is how you learn). Don’t be afraid to fail, get up off the floor, dust yourself off, and try again. More importantly, you’re making progress in a direction of your choosing, with your whole heart. Be your own best friend. And then when the time comes, at the end of your life, you will know that you tried, you really tried. You will know that you loved and lived well, and really did your best in every moment. What more could a human ask for?
Layers upon layers falling apart.
It's such a fucking practice, having belief when belief exists to be shattered. The endless shaping of our soul. personally prayer, once such a dirty word has transcended into action for me, when i harvest, draw, practice my medicine. in this I can be in conversation with the mystery and magic of this amazing world and all the amazing thins in it.
Meanwhile wow! the incredible injustice and suicidal /evil of our civilization!! and what fragmented chaos. what a ride. and what grief. certainly helpful for pushing oneself out of liminal time.
Work right now. in conversation with the invisible worlds while moving my hands and body. prayers for the elders, sending thoughts and blessings and hoping for reconciliation and reconnection of their legacy.