How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Create a Successful Life

Human beings are wired to survive. Because of this when it comes to success, we can get stuck; seeing success as a danger (most of us do)…

How to Get Out of Your Own Way and Create a Successful Life

Human beings are wired to survive. Because of this when it comes to success, we can get stuck; seeing success as a danger (most of us do) we become afraid to move forward and go into fright or flight mode. This manifests in our daily lives when we find ourselves procrastinating or simply not-doing what we know we need to be doing to get us closer to where we think we want to go. It creeps in when we are not aware of it and we find ourselves creating mountains out of molehills, or becoming crushed by the first obstacle in our path.

Motivational speakers and business coaches say we have to “get out of our own way” when this happens. Just decide that everything is okay, move forward regardless and jump with no net to catch us. I’m for authenticity, not pretending, I believe that this approach doesn’t enable us to become aware and learn how to overcome the true core issues that have us petrified. By faking it till we make it, what lies beneath is still very much within.

Self-sabotage is another name for “getting in our own way”. Many people are excellent saboteurs; focussing on what’s going on outside, blaming and judging, comparing themselves to others. This leads to repetitive thinking of damaging thoughts like “I’m not good enough”, “I can’t do this”, “I don’t deserve this” or “I’m a fake”. Over time these thoughts erode our self-confidence, knock our self-worth and take chunks out of our self-esteem. We get angry at the world, and angry at ourselves. If you’re really angry at yourself, you can take on more than you know you’re able to do and fail, just so you can remind yourself what a failure you really are.

Many people don’t even realise they’re doing this. Even if you’re not in business, you’re possibly doing it in other aspects of your life, including your relationships. Remember, there will always be someone more successful than you, but also remember that the people who you feel are at the top of their game right now were once beginners. No matter how you feel about someone else, the solution to your efforts, your issues and your pain always comes from you.

Step One — Get Clear

The first thing I did when I set up my own business was ask myself “Am I committed? Is this what I really want?” Getting clear on goals alleviates so much of the stress we put on ourselves that it is worth taking the time to do it. Go deep — don’t pretend, be real. Name your goal, write it in one or two sentences. Then ask yourself — are you doing this for you, or for someone else? Are you doing it because you long to do it, or because you think you should be doing it?

Step Two — Face the Fears

“Getting out of our own way” means looking at our fears, naming them, facing them, and moving through them towards our goals. This takes courage. Write down your fears of success; by doing this you’re really facing them. Write a list of the things that you don’t like to do, the things you’re afraid to do, the things that slow you down, make you heavy in your heart, the things that seem to take forever to accomplish. Be truthful with yourself — in order to face the fears that you’re holding, whether subconsciously or consciously, you must first name them. When you do, all of a sudden they may not seem so scary.

Step Three — Get Some Help

You may want to get help with your fears and that’s perfectly fine. When the actions you need to take bring you closer to something that you’re afraid of, you might not want to admit the fear is there, or admit that you have to do something you’re afraid of. This blockage can seem impossible at times to release, and it’s always better to talk it through with someone else to see it for what it really is and let it go, rather than hold onto it for what you think it is.

Step Four — Take Action

Look at your list — what is it that you’re actually scared of? Were these things that you were told you couldn’t do, that you had bad experiences of? Is it a lack of skills or education that is stopping you? Can you make the time to invest in yourself and learn what you need to learn? Remember what are you good at. Don’t force yourself to do something you’re not good at — delegate it! Once you decide you never want to do the accounts, get an accountant, then you don’t have to wrestle with it, feel bad about it, put pressure on yourself to do it and then beat yourself up because you can’t do it — see what I mean about sabotage? I don’t feel bad that I have people to help me, it frees me up to do the things that only I can do, and they do the things I really don’t want to do.

Life is too short to spend it suffering, particularly if you’re the cause of most of your suffering, possibly without even being aware of it. So whether it’s success in business or success in your relationships you’re after, take some time to look at what is stopping you blindly in your tracks, like a deer in the headlights.

We need to move from living at the primal level to living from the heart and soul. So step out of the cycle of fight or flight, grab a cuppa and a pen and paper, face those fears, put the false ones to bed, and the ones that are valid and real, go get some help with them.

You’re worth the investment, and once you invest in your own success, other people will invest in you, too.

This article first was published in Your Family Magazine, South Africa, March 2017