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Don't mind me, I'm just working out my anger issues...
In the meantime, here are a couple of videos and articles for your reading/viewing displeasure.
I’ve not been creative this past few weeks. Well that’s not exactly true, I’ve been very creative, just not on the writing front.
My body has been in bits. It usually is; as an energy worker our physical bodies bear the brunt of the energies in play, and the energies, when they’re at their most active, will exploit any weakness in the lightworker’s body. And as far as weaknesses go, my body has many. My hip went out, and my foot felt akin to being broken. I lost my appetite, so I got some help with that, fixed the toe and then the pain moved directly to my rib and shoulder, along with a case of sciatica and eye strain. Great!
When this happens, and it happens pretty regularly, I do my usual scaling back and making space to heal because it’s all part of the process of healing. Healing usually gets worse before it gets better.
As part of my process I went deep inside my heart and sit and listened to what it has to say. It told me I had shut down. That anger was eating away at me, and that the world hasn’t really changed, it’s just that I could see it better (hence the eye-strain). So I took several days and forgave everyone, promised myself that I’d let go of the anger, and rested.
I know I will never forget what happened, and I don’t ascribe to forgive and forget, so that was okay too. I did some healing. Then, feeling happy and bouncy after my first 5K walk in a long time I went for a coffee and a woman I didn’t know, smiled at me in the queue. A well-dressed, well-to-do woman. My first thought was, “You wouldn’t have been so nice to me 6 months ago if you knew I was unvaccinated.” I knew I wasn’t out of the woods yet. I pushed aside my desire to act out, smiled politely, and got the heck outta there (with my coffee) and haven’t been back since.
A few days later, (only a few days ago from when I write this), while going into my garden to tie back one of my Dahlia’s, I fell over the back step and crashed heavily onto the concrete. I managed to throw the whole of my bodyweight straight onto my arm, and I scraped my knee badly too. To all intents and purposes it wasn’t a bad fall at all, but I was deeply shocked. I sat there with the proverbial stars around my head, until my husband came out and helped me up and into a garden chair. I stayed put in that chair for the rest of the afternoon.
The impact of the fall was more traumatic to my body than the actual event warranted. This illustrated to me that the nature of the fall was energetic - someone pushed me in another dimension? I fell into a portal on another planet? I took a hit for one of my children? Or one of my loved ones? - I will never know, but I trust that my higher self opted for the lesser evil if it did have any say in the matter. I also know it was part of my earthly healing process - loosing balance, altered spacial recognition, reorganising of my energies and working on letting go of anger is a much more complicated, and delicate process than we think. I suppose we span more dimensional realities than our mind is aware of, shifting something as strong as the anger that I realise I am still holding does have a strong impact across the space-time continuum. I’d like to think so, anyway. I guess working to release it is better than holding it deeply in my body and getting cancer from it in a few years time.
Three days later and my arm is still sprained, it’s difficult to drive my car, brush my hair or type on the computer. So I’ll take some more time to allow my bodies (spiritual, physical, emotional and mental) heal, and instead of continuing to write here, and please, I am sharing here purely for the purposes of continued transparency in my process, so I don’t want sympathy. I’d prefer you to look deep within yourself and question if you too are still holding onto anger. Perhaps you could give it some time to ripple through and out of you, whatever the consequences, whatever that looks like. It’s not the easy path.
In the meantime, here are a couple of videos, and a couple of articles that probably explain why I’m having so much trouble not being angry right now.
I’m thinking I will have to learn how to live with my anger.
As I said on a comment under Gerry’s Substack - One day we will look back proudly at these times over a few pints and know that we stayed true to ourselves and true to our values. And when we stand in front of God he’ll know it too and raise a glass with us and say, “Well done lads, it was the hardest test of all and you passed with flying colours” It would be nice to believe that, anyway.
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