Dolores Canon’s Facebook Page banned my Energy Healing Page! And that’s probably only the start of it.

What happens when you are completely yourself at all times?

Today the energies have lifted for me, for the first time since my return to Ireland from Morocco. My head is clear, my energy is bright and I feel like myself again, more like myself than before. That's the problem - when we go away somewhere that reflects everything that we are, and we take up the challenge, coming home is yet another challenge.

I stood on the sand dunes of the Sahara and saw myself reflected completely to myself and I shed everything that was not me and allowed all of my beauty to come in.

I sent a selfie to my mother and she sent me a heartfelt compliment, which is a rare thing for her. I sent another photograph to a friend of mine and he wrote back and said, ‘Now you look younger than me.’ And I wrote back and said ‘I know.’

Owning our beauty, owning our energy, our essence, is hard in the day-to-day. Something in the Sahara enabled me to do that. And then I came home.

It was a shock. The energy in Ireland is heavy and dark. So much anger and very little sunlight, not conducive to shining our lights brightly. So I went with my body and I slept for almost 3 days. And when I woke, I was heavy and slow in my movements and actions. It didn’t clear after a week so I asked some wizard friends of mine to do a clearing on me. They did, but it still didn’t clear until I woke up yesterday and I felt renewed. It wasn’t just my energy that needed clearing, or response to a psychic attack (which was also going on). It was a little death.

I realise that the old me can never come back. The old me who hides, who doesn't speak 100% what she feels. You say, ‘I didn't know there was more of you still hidden, you already speak so much of your truth.’ Perhaps, but I knew I knew there was more. There still was a part of me that worried about what people think of me. I have stopped worrying. I don't need people to love me. Because I love me.

I went for a walk this morning in one of my happy places and I felt a hankering to listen to the Beatles, my favourite album, Rubber Soul. I put in my headphones and started singing out loud, it was great fun. And then Michelle started playing. It brought me right back to being 13 again, having a deep crush on a boy at school which lasted for five years. You cannot say that I am not loyal to my crushes! I would sing that song over and over again wistfully longing for him even to just speak to me. I think I changed the words to name his name, and mine, and make it even more poignant.

I stood right here watching the water and took a moment to find my 13 year old self and say to her. ‘Do you know what? If he had looked at me, if he had wanted me, if he had loved me the way I thought I needed him to, then I wouldn't be here today fully as I am in my power.’ She agreed with me.

He married his childhood sweetheart, the girl he chose instead of me while we were at school. Needless to say at the time, I was resentful of her. They’re still together, I met them both at our High School reunion about 3 or 4 years ago. When I saw them I said to myself, ‘That could have been me, but it was not my journey. That was not my path. This is my path, and I am so grateful as I love my life.’

I'm not here to toot my own horn, however it might sound like I am because we are conditioned not to speak this way. I’ve promised myself that I will not hide from anything anymore. Perhaps you can see where you’re doing it too? I’m pretty sure you don’t talk about how good you are at stuff that you know you are good at…

As Abby’s Energy Healing Page I criticised two posts on the Dolores Cannon Facebook page - two things that they said were unequivocally true, that went against my grain, and they banned me. New Age Spirituality has a lot of damage to answer for, but so does social media. See how easy it is to wipe out an opinion that challenges you? Block it, pretend you didn’t see it, that’s wilful blindness. When the Sahara showed me all the parts of myself that I had blocked, I unblocked them, and all I saw in return, was beauty.

"Beauty is truth, truth beauty,—that is all

                Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

Can you recognise and see the beauty in the world? That’s a good place to start. Then you will see it in other people, and in yourself. But only if you rise to the challenge of it. The Sahara is one heck of a challenging place. Many people found parts of themselves that they had to deal with while I was there, and it was a gift to be present to witness and help them all.

I look at you my dear reader, and I see all the places where you're still hiding yourself from yourself. I see all the things that you wanted to say but never did tucked away in an envelope, put into a shoe box on the back shelf of a wardrobe somewhere deep in your psyche, someplace you've forgotten. But it’s there, lying waiting for you.

My husband had trouble with my struggle around being back in Ireland. He accused me of being angry and trying to control the world. He said didn't want to live with me when I was like this. I hadn't seen it that way, of course I didn’t, I was too deep in it at the time. I knew for sure though that I did not want to control anything, because knowing that we don’t control anything except for ourselves was one of my biggest lessons.

What I've learned lately is that we might not even control our own thoughts and our actions. There are supernatural forces out there that affect our minds, pull us into things we think we want, a type of mind control, or brainwashing. If you're not aware of this and go with it, it's too late and you're into it already. This makes me wonder all about free will, if it truly does exist, but that's for another substack.

I realised what my husband was feeling was not my anger at the world, but my anger at myself for trying to cut off a piece of myself to fit back into ‘home life’. I just found myself, I didn’t want to do that, yet upon landing in Ireland I went on autopilot, trying to figure out which part of myself I needed to cut off in order to fit back in. Thankfully I caught it just in time. I am not going to do that to myself.

The first thing I did to help myself settle was go on a fast. Food makes you heavy and slow. Digestion weighs you down. I noticed I was eating a lot of sugar and bread since I got back, and I needed to clear that out of my system. I feel that renewal in myself and in my spirit. Fasting is such a wonderful thing, you really should try it. For the first time I'm able to write here on my substack and share my process with you all. And I have so much more to share, too. And I will do, in time.

These are my notes, my meanderings, things that I'm thinking about right now. I send a blessing outwards:

To all the boys I love that didn't love me back - I say thank you. Because if you had loved me, I wouldn't be the me that I am right now and I love her.

To all the aspects of me that still feel that they're not loved, I say to them, I love you. And sometimes God has other plans for us and that’s okay. I trust in God more than I trust other people.

The small, easy comforts of requited love are not always gifted to us because they can make us lazy and slow, and take our eyes of the ball. There are sometimes other things that we need to be doing that require challenges to grow us bigger.

And when we grow and open ourselves to ourselves, our wings become full, our energy bright and vibrant and we are not afraid to be powerful. We cannot be stopped.

I'm dreaming a world where more of us are not afraid of ourselves. For when we have God with us we have nothing to fear.