Caffeine, chocolate and late nights….

If you’re trying then you’re not being.

I have spent today watching videos and putting myself back together after the Christmas break. It still feels like the small days in between the in-between - I don’t quite know where I am or what to focus on. I’ve been doing crochet while I watch so I feel that I’ve got something to show for the hours spent. Except that I don’t, not really. What I do have is many bits and pieces of unfinished projects. Currently I am sitting in a pile of granny squares and I don’t quite see how they will fit together, but perhaps I’m not supposed to see that just yet. Will it be a cardigan or a blanket? Does it matter? This uncertainty reflects how I’m feeling about the world and my place in it right now.

If you’re feeling the same way - tired, low on energy, unfocused, not really sure what you’re supposed to be doing, I do believe that it’s in flow with our current state of being. Not trying - not forcing. Being with the agitation, with the upset, with the grief. Being with what is coming up for healing, because a lot is coming up for healing right now. Being with the cloudy brain. Taking a note of it, but maybe not doing anything grand about it for now.

I tried though - I bought myself a book to read, an actual real paperback. I’ve put that down already because yes, the descriptions and the language is sumptuous but the storyline is weak. My tolerance is low - and I cannot focus on it for very long. I flit around like a butterfly not quite sticking with anything. Is it worthy of my energy? Is there something on my phone I need to look at that is more worthy? I don’t know. But this state of being has its purpose, too. I will be patient with myself and this too shall pass.

Here are some thoughts on Joe Rogan, Mel Gibson and intuition.

I mentioned this video of Kryon - maybe you will find some wisdom in it too. What he says about intuition is spot on.

It’s easy to get distracted and pulled into the chaos and drama of this unfolding year. There’s so much going on already, but it is so much more important to be with whatever it is that is coming up for YOU. Just as my crochet is a reflection of how I am feeling, our inner world is a reflection of the outer world. Truth is being revealed at an ever-increasing pace, and in me it is bringing up agitation and lack of patience with myself. Let that shit go.

This is the dark time of year and I have not had much sunlight. During the dark time, we are supposed to slow down and go inwards, and for some reason this year we seem to be going deeper than ever before. Every pattern that must be healed is coming up to be released, sometimes more than one, at the same time. For ourselves and for the world. It will be so much more difficult in the future to hide any kind of secrets. Let them reveal themselves to you. My clients speak of overwhelm, physical pain, burnout, exhaustion. It’s all part of the process.

If you do feel the need to do something rather than just be still with it all, then perhaps you’ll enjoy this chat I had with Sara Mondiani. We recorded it before Christmas. We talk about so many different things, all moving towards self-forgiveness and love. I hope you find something in here for you.

Being not doing.

Being not trying.

Allow, allow, allow.