Each year, the dahlias that bloom are never what I expect. Orange ones (on the packet at least) blossom in rich tones of bright yellow, red or speckles. Dark red monarchs, this year, became pale, lesser pink watermelons, and my firepots and firefighters uncannily looked like mirror images of each other. This is what happens with hybrids - but they were vibrant and filled with beauty all the same.

When I was younger, this time of year, for me, became a narrow pathway leading to SAD, seasonal affective disorder. Sometimes I was just plain sad, other times I became depressed. Thankfully, in those days, it wasn’t as fashionable as it is now to become labelled with a diagnosis, so I just bore with it, hoping it wouldn’t last, doing the things that I thought would help. Some did help and some made it worse, but I would get through winter regardless, and, in Spring, I would celebrate the coming back of my life force with the blossoming of daffodils.

Over the years, as I found God through my spiritual practices, I learned there was a light inside me, even if the sky outside was a dull, dark grey. My intentions during winter turned then from food and drink and shopping trips to the mall as coping mechanisms, towards ways that I could light up my inner world.

At first, of course, I didn’t know that by doing this I had invited God into my life. I thought it was ‘just the Reiki’. But as I matured in my Reiki practice I came to see that what it was that I enjoyed flowing through my veins was the very same life force that animates the flowers that I love so much.

I started to explore, read, experiment. I realised the power of thought, particularly the one that said, ‘winter is coming’, had power enough of itself to set me in a downhill trajectory.

I knew I needed to reframe this time of year for the sake of my sanity. I had become tired of gaining weight in winter, of feeling lethargic, and in pain. Something really had to shift. And you can’t stop the seasons from changing, so it had to be me.

Three weeks ago my stepmother passed into the next realm. She had been sick for the last several years, and had been in hospital for 5 weeks before she died. I knew it was serious this time so I did all the things - visits and grapes, taking the children out of school to see her, getting stuck in traffic jams trekking across town, bringing my eldest two in to see her on a Saturday… I pulled out all the stops, and I’m glad that I did. We had the conversations, had closure in the relationship, but her death still came as a shock. I know that now she is free, and I celebrate she is no longer is in pain, but I miss her bright, hopeful spirit. There’s nothing like a person leaving us for us to value the light they brought into the world. My children, and particularly my father were heartbroken, and I kicked into empath mode, making it my mission to protect them from their grief.

Funny, isn’t it, how, even now, after all the work that I have done and continue to do, that there still was an aspect of me that thought that it could protect people from feeling the pain of being alive in this world?

I caught it in myself, this old, ingrained pattern, and then observed this aspect of me as she came to her own conclusions. The wonderful, caring and somewhat co-dependant aspect of me acting out through me realised that I could see her in action. What a game-changer. I gently nudged her into the realisation that she cannot possibly process another person’s grief. If she could, she would be depriving them of their own grieving process, which, everyone needs to go through as part of being here in the world. Also, if she was actually able to do it she would be more than doubling her own work. Let it go, girl, just let it go. I watched this part of myself as she resigned to the truth of it, and then with grace and good spirit let it all go. Once she did, she broke down and fell into smithereens.

Part of my soul left my body when this happened. Perhaps this part of me needed to die, too. When a piece of us dies to us, we can become depressed. This death and rebirth is a natural part of the process of renewal, just like the garden turning to mulch in the winter, it happens to us, too.

Growth cannot be forced. It is organic and happens when a person needs to blossom and grow, even if they don’t know they need to. We never think we are ready for it, so we constantly try to push it away. ‘Oh Great Spirit help me grow, but please don’t give me more than I can handle,’ is a common request in New Age communities. Then we laugh after the fact - ‘ha ha! You never know how much you can handle, look, you handled it!’ Unfortunately not everybody can, we do not get taught healthy coping strategies, but thankfully more people are talking about this. We even have a common phrase for it, calling it ‘the dark night of the soul.’ It is a very difficult time. Strength is needed to endure, and, eventually, lift oneself out of it. As time goes by I don’t believe that we do this lifting up ourselves, but I shall talk about that in a moment.

The physical feeling of depression, for me, is heavy and dark like treacle. It’s as if you are scraping out the bottom of a very large barrel, experiencing all the sickly, viscous oil you might find in there. It gets to be too much, you’re running your hands through it, sitting in it, become covered by it, then weighed down by it. You’re in so deep it seems the light of the world has gone out. Hope and beauty are far off ideals that you once knew, but seem impossible to reach. We are in it and everyone else is not. We can still smile when we are depressed, but behind the smile we feel a fraud because we don’t really mean it. We actually feel hopeless, small and empty. We feel flat and mostly nothing.

John O’Donoghue, in an interview he did with Krista Tippet1, just before he died, said, ‘…human efforts like psychology distract from true soul-healing, which requires surrender to the divine.’ As a psychotherapist, when I first heard him say this I was shocked, but deep within there was a part of me that reluctantly agreed. I think at the time I was still working towards my IACP accreditation and wasn’t ready to deem psychological practices useless. Now, several years later, I see the uses of psychotherapy, but only when combined with spiritual work.2 To truly grow, and come out of the dark night, we need to embrace the process of spiritual surrender and allow God, or The Universe, or The Angels - whatever you want to call this - to do the heavy lifting for you. Asking for help is the only thing that can lift me out of a depression, and only after the work of it is complete. I have done this many times. When it does happen, it can happen in quite an instantaneous way. You just know. There is a distinct difference between being disconnected from life force, and then having it flowing back into you again.

I have always believed depression comes from soul-loss, so it follows that we need some spiritual aspect of us to come back for us to truly heal.

I have also always believed that anti-depressant medication is a band-aid and doesn’t heal anything. Instead, it shuts down feelings and chemical processes in the body so people can tolerate their lives in this state a little better. Here we have two problems - firstly, if you shut down emotions you shut down ALL emotions, including the ones you want to feel. And secondly, if you tolerate your life with the help of medication, over time, you have given your power away to the medication and become powerless. You, over time, start to accept that this is what you life has become, and, when that happens, you lose any faith, or hope, that it could be better. (This leads to suicidal ideology, if the meds have not already pushed you in that direction which is a known side effect of these meds). Depressed people on medication, over time, stop asking for a spiritual intervention. They don’t truly believe that it can happen. (Please, if this is not true for you I want to hear about it in the comments - because I have worked with many people over 20 years and not once have I heard otherwise.)

The body is a remarkable thing - more complex than we will ever know. Over time, being on anti-depression medications creates many physical issues. I have already mentioned one of the side effects, there are many, many more. Some people never recover from these meds, ironically, whilst they may have recovered from the depression itself, perhaps they will never know, because due to emotional numbness they cannot feel the deep intrinsic shift.

And, yes, I agree with John O’Donoghue. Talking doesn’t heal depression either. As I’ve said above - we can talk about how we feel, or don’t feel. We can acknowledge and honour the process, have it witnessed, yes, but still, the condition will remain until it’s had its way with us, whatever that may be. Different every time at different times of our lives.

We do have periods of feeling sad. This could be melancholia, which is different to depression because with melancholia, you’re floating in a soup of despair, you’re surrounded by a grey cloud and cannot see out of it, whereas with depression, you’re at the bottom of that barrel I mentioned, without any feelings of hope, crushed by the weight of an apathy that you didn’t know existed. Melancholia is a free-form sadness and gloom tainted by los, that doesn’t quite drag you to the bottom of that barrel. There may be nothing in particular you can attribute the sense of loss to, no big life event, instead it can creep up on you over time, like the frog in the saucepan. Mostly with melancholia you can manage your day to day life. It takes energy and focus to push it to the background, rather than become overwhelmed by it, so it can be exhausting. Yet the feeling can leave of its own accord, like a raincloud, moving on with a light wind. However, it can remain with you for weeks, or months - but in this case, although you still have not lost a large part of yourself, sitting in a dark grey heavy cloud can wear you down, until you do, indeed, loose a part of yourself, chipped away every day just through managing it, Then, you have fallen into the yukky sticky feeling which I associate with a depression.

Nice phrase that - fall into a depression. It really does feel like you fall. If you’ve experienced it, do let me know if you relate.

Being depressed sounds like a jail sentence, doesn’t it? I’m depressed, I suffer from depression, there we go with labels and diagnoses, and then suddenly it becomes more permanent. A diagnosis is a method of treatment, but we wear these labels around our necks and move from displaying symptoms of the diagnosis to becoming it. Our bodies just want to please us - if we keep telling them we have a thing, we eventually have that thing. It becomes rigidly embodied then, and much harder to break free from. This is why I don’t take myself to doctors most of the time - I see my body, the physical, spiritual, and emotional body, as plastic and changing, always in flux. In this way I live from a space of potential. “I am experiencing this right now, whatever this may be, but it always has the potential to change.”

I’m sure I could be diagnosed with many illnesses both physical and psychological at any moment in time but they are not who I am. Labels, for me, are not helpful things, they become weights to carry. I’ve had enough years of carrying weight, psychological and physical weight, I’ve had enough of it. It’s time for me to be joyous and free, even in the face of my bereavement.

So back to the depression I was feeling this past couple of weeks.

Yes, I was feeling it. It showed on my face - the light had gone out. My friend noticed it on a zoom call right away and asked, ’What’s wrong with you?’ I didn’t have the words to answer him - that’s part of it. My whole demeanour was flat, like I had been run over by a steamroller. This world will do that to you when you’re not looking, or even when you are looking. We spiritual beings - we are in the world but we are not of this world. Sometimes we leave while we are still here. Maybe you know what I am talking about, maybe you don’t. That’s okay too. Don’t ask to experience it - it’s not fun.

Dear God, please fill me with your life force, your Holy Spirit, because I do not want to stay here in this depression. I have too much to do! And I cannot become hopeless this close to winter. Please help me - I want to be of service, and I will not be able to do that if I am flat, or filled with apathy and despair.

Well, I didn’t use those exact words, but I asked, many times, in many different ways. But nothing happened. We need to surrender to that. We knock on the door asking for help but we have to show that we really mean it. This is spiritual surrender. We knock, we ask, and don’t wait, we let go. Waiting pushes it away. Thy will be done means not my will, but thine.

I’ve been at this door many times before. Perseverance, patience and endurance are part of the package. I did not give up on myself, nor did I give up on having God’s presence back in my life. All I needed was patience. Just like the dahlias need time to die, and time to be reborn, so did I. It’s a process.

While talking with another friend, ironically, I felt my life force come back into me. He was a witness to the Divine Holy Spirit breathing life back into me once more. This is the precious nectar that animates those of us who are not NPC’s. And today, for the first time in several weeks - I wanted to write. To tell you all about it, in case you had forgotten, or did not know.

Even though winter is coming, there still is is beauty in the world. Some of it is eternal, some of it dies and is reborn. Some of it is inside of us, right here, right now in this moment and we miss it if we don’t acknowledge it.

I miss my stepmother, Susan, and with a bittersweet pang in my heart me and my family navigate this new landscape without her. But we have each other, and she is with God, whatever that means to you. I am also with God, right here, in every breath I take. God is everywhere, all at once. I cherish this life all the more for Sue’s absence teaches me more about the fragile nature of our existence.

This morning I dug up the tubers of my dahlias. They would not survive the winter in the raised bed. I’m looking forward to being surprised next summer by their vibrancy and colour - dahlias do not do what it says on the tin - so I don’t know what they will look like next year. That is the beauty, and miracle of life. What I do know, however, is that once again there will be light, colour and beauty in my garden. I hope you know that it will return to your proverbial garden, too. All you need to do is plant the seeds, and ask.

Tuning into the frequency of fear, staring it down and telling it to fuck off can actually work, but only if you mean it. Many of us don’t really mean it, because some part of us feels we deserve it, some part of us feels that fear is a part of life. It is, but only as a flag that something is wrong - and like stress, it is designed to be a sharp, short shock, and not a continuous background noise.

The hardest thing about doing your inner work is becoming your own best friend and supporting yourself through life. If you’re in self-sabotage mode, or berating yourself mode, it is not going to be helpful when it comes to fear. But there are some things that you can do to ease off the symptoms, so you can eventually recognise fear for what it is - a frequency that creates a physical response, to tell you that something is wrong.

Where to start if you are in fear

The first and most important thing is to know that you are safe. Check now - do you feel safe? If not, you have to ask yourself whether the perceived threat to your safety real, or manufactured.

Can you name it?

Naming your fear is so helpful, as difficult as it is, because once you can see it, you can work with it, instead of run away from it and make it worse in your head. If you can name your fear, and make a plan around what to do about it, or a way to get away from it, then that is a massive step. Once you have the plan, you can start to ask for the energy and resources you need to make it happen. And once you ask out loud - even just by asking the Universe, or God, or a friend, things will start to shift and the situation will change, possibly more quickly than you could have anticipated.

Dealing with your greatest fear

Your greatest fear either falls into two camps - it happened before and it could happen again, OR, it never happened but it just might happen. Let’s look at both scenarios.

Scenario one - it happened before.

If this is you, then you survived! Well done! You did it! I’m not being factious here, the fact is, your fear happened and you got through it so you are experienced. You CAN handle it if you ever needed to again.

Ask yourself - if this happens again, what could I do better this time? Get the answer, write it down, and then you’re done. There’s nothing more you can do. Knowing what you now know, you are better equipped for the situation, and that should take some pressure off.

Logically, you know there is no point worrying away your life force energy just in case something might happen, so you need to tell yourself you have a plan, you know what to do, and you will deal with it if it happens, if the time comes. In the meantime, you are free to focus on something else.

Scenario two - it has never happened before.

This is a little more difficult, and even if you were in scenario one for one thing, you are probably also in scenario two, because you are human. There are big scary things that have not happened yet, or may never happen, for all of us. That is what being alive is about - you can grab life with both hands and an open heart, or you can wither away and hide and let it pass you by. This really comes down to resilience and strength of character, or sensibility.

This might help you, however. Knowing that fear that you may be feeling around something that has not happened yet, is a frequency, and fear as a frequency is out there right now, running around free, and magnetised to anyone who is ready to take it on. So the fear you are feeling right now, might not even be yours.

But it might. So you need to clear your own fear, as well as clearing the collective fear. Start with the collective fear - because our own fears are much more manageable when they are not amplified by the collective. My free email course (offered below) will help you do this.

So, how do you clear your own fear?

You can lower or disconnect yourself from a frequency when you no longer resonate with that frequency. This means, as long as fear is serving a purpose in your life, you will resonate with it.

This may sound weird - but if you have an impending situation that causes you fear that you know is coming down the line, such as an illness, or someone you love needing full time care, the worst thing you can do is ignore it and hope it goes away. You’re anticipating fear, so you are already in fear. You need to get practical and take the time, make a plan, work on the plan a little bit every day. A crappy plan is better than no plan, right? You can make a crappy plan right now if you wanted to. Then you have a plan, which is more than you may have had before.

Clearing frequency from your energy field takes time

Well, I can help here. It takes time. That’s why I created a 4 day email course to help you clear the frequency of fear from your energy field. And while I was creating the course, on the 5th day I decided to throw in a full one hour healing session, just because I could. So I did!

If you want to sign up for the 4 day fear clearing email course, click the link: https://abbywynne.myflodesk.com/clearthefear

And if you liked this content and want more, then do make sure you are subscribed to my substack.

Energies from the Sun and astrological energies are accelerating the growth and the speed of our development as human beings. People who have not done any inner work are freaking out right now because they’re being forced into a corner to look at the lies that they built their lives upon.

You might have done your inner work and you might be wondering why you’re not sleeping well, why you’re worrying more than usual and why anxiety is disrupting your day. There are ways to manage this - come and join me in this video as I guide you through a very simple and straightforward process to help you feel stronger and empowered so you can disconnect from the collective anxieties.

At the end of this video I will show you how to take your energy back across space and time - we do a power retrieval and a soul retrieval together in a simple and straightforward way that you can use every day for the rest of your life.

Find me on telegram for daily updates here: https://t.me/abbywynneauthor

Find me on my website: https://www.abby-wynne.com

You don’t.

But the time was wasted, and you won’t get it back. Time is the most valuable thing that all of us have, more valuable than money. The world is designed to steal your time and your peace from you. Watching short videos does not bring you any peace, and it does not leave you feeling rested. After a session on the phone you may try to convince yourself that you have indeed had a rest, but all you really had was a break distracting you from whatever it was you were doing before you picked up your phone. The longer you watch these videos the more your brain has to work, and the harder it is to put the phone down and get some proper, nourishing rest.

The thing is, we’re always in such a rush to move from one distraction to the next. We rush home so we can have more time with our feet up watching crap TV, more time for shorts and reels and Tik Toks that we don’t need, more time for coffee or tea, for wine or snacks. We don’t need these distractions, they take us away from the most important work of all - the work of acceptance, of forgiveness, of being at peace with ourselves.

It’s a beautiful trick, really. It is so easy to distract ourselves or allow ourselves to be distracted that we need the power of our will, and discipline to prevent it from happening. (There’s a word you don’t hear very often - discipline.) Needless to say, many of us don’t want to sit in silence without any distractions, even for just a few minutes, so the power of will just isn’t there at all. Discipline isn’t in the dictionary. Why? Because having no distractions means sitting with ourselves. With everything we are feeling. With all of the choices we have made. With the world that we live in. And that can be very difficult and uncomfortable.

I get it.

We can, however, give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, take a risk, and meet ourselves where we are. To do this we must recognise that life is messy, and accept that we are not perfect. Once you allow for this you can get some actual rest. Sounds good, doesn’t it? But this in itself can be a process. You can start by slowing down.

One of the things I loved the most about the interview I did with Lyn (below) was how slow it was. We slowed right down. Like, r i g h t d o w n. And we need to do that more. I hope you enjoy the video, it’s filled with wisdoms, please make some time to listen.

Love the messiness and master your life, this is the title of the video. We talk about so much more than that, however. Living a messy life doesn’t sound attractive, but we are human, and humans are messy.

Dear Human:
You've got it all wrong.
You didn't come here to master unconditional love. This is where you came from and where you'll return.

You came here to learn personal love.
Universal love.
Messy love.
Sweaty Love.
Crazy love.
Broken love.
Whole love.
Infused with divinity.
Lived through the grace of stumbling.
Demonstrated through the beauty of... messing up.
Often.

You didn't come here to be perfect, you already are.
You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous.
And rising again into remembering.
But unconditional love? Stop telling that story.

Love in truth doesn't need any adjectives.
It doesn't require modifiers.
It doesn't require the condition of perfection.
It only asks you to show up.
And do your best.
That you stay present and feel fully.
That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU.

It’s enough.
It's Plenty.

by Courtney A. Walsh

Fear of the messiness of life is why we are hell bent on staying distracted. But when we make the time to listen, to be with our human messiness, we find so much beauty and joy. We find things that we forgot about, things that we loved. A bit like doing a declutter of the wardrobe - there’s that sweater I used to wear every day for months, and then somehow it got pushed to the back of the wardrobe, I totally forgot how much I loved it… Does it still fit? Maybe, maybe not.

Perhaps we have grown out of these parts of us, perhaps they are parts of us that we hid away as they didn’t belong in the groups we were in, or around the people we were around at those times. But we are here to be our authentic selves, now more than ever, and so it’s time to take back the pieces of ourselves that we love, and be unapologetic for who we are.

As Honey says in the video above, when we do something that doesn’t resonate with us, more than ever before we feel icky about it. (You can watch the full video here.) And, as I say in the same video, rather than be sorry, we need to be real. I also say that perhaps the misunderstandings you are having with the people around you, are because you’re using the same words, but have applied a different meaning to them, and never stopped to ask them what they mean by them. Slowing down brings more meaning into the moments that we do have. Slowing down creates more substance and improves the quality of our lives.

These are just a few things for you to think about as the days get longer and the spring brightness permeates the air, giving us a boost of energy. We may have more energy but we do need to be more discerning as to where we are spending it. I’m finding that my current energy boost runs out pretty quickly these days.

So - if you can, try to stop arguing with people who can’t hear you, or don’t want to listen to you. Turn off the news once you get the jist of what is going on. Step out of needing to know everything, and come back to that wardrobe of yours - the internal one - maybe you can do a declutter? Perhaps you will find something in there that you forgot about, something that you love.

It’s the eve of New Year’s Eve, rah rah rah. Honestly, all I care about right now is getting a night’s sleep. It makes such a difference - especially as we are processing so much information right now. Solar information mainly, in my case, as I have stepped away from the ‘greatest show on earth’. Drones or spaceships? I don’t care, not really. Aliens or lizards? Okay, whatever. Have I slept enough? Now that’s the real question.

Maybe you’re in the same predicament too? Well here is the good news - I have been sleeping because I’ve started doing (and not doing) a few things, and it’s working. I wanted to share with you. Now, I have to admit, they don’t work every night, and some nights I’m too overwhelmed with processing the day’s lightcodes/drama/food mistakes that I forget to do them, and needless to say I spend the night in a short sleep/wake cycle, too tired to remember what to do, but not tired enough to sleep.

Anyway. We are all human -so no New Year’s resolutions required here, just a good night’s sleep. The season’s cycles just don’t match the calendar for me by a long shot, not for years, so any resolutions I make will always wait until Spring.

Abby’s How-To-Sleep-Better List

We are affected differently at different times of the month, different phases of the Moon. Our bodies are affected by barometric pressure, temperature, or whether or not there has been a solar flare. So some of these will work better at certain times, and may not work as well during others. The best thing I can say to you is this - Know Thyself and work with yourself, not against yourself.

You shouldn’t do all of these things at once, because when you make lots of changes at the same time you won’t know exactly which one is having the most effect. But I do all of them most of the time.

Here is my list in no particular order.

Be prepared to have to make an effort to get a good night’s sleep.

It isn’t happening naturally - so you need to get to know yourself, understand what is going on for you, and support yourself by doing something to help yourself relax more - because ultimately that’s an issue. Not being relaxed and going to bed wound up, stiff and in physical pain doesn’t lend itself to a good night’s sleep.

Drink electrolytes.

Yes this is annoying, but it really helps - and you can find electrolytes that you actually like the taste of. From drops in your water to fizzy tablets, salts in a sachet or just a pinch of salt - you need electrolytes to actually become hydrated. Once you are hydrated, your body is more at ease with itself.

Take magnesium before you go to bed.

Magnesium capsules are amazing, they help your muscles relax. You will have to decide which brand to use as I’m not selling anything here. I find if I take about 400mg it can take 15-20 minutes to kick-in, and I have a notch or two down on the muscle tightness scale.

You can get magnesium creams, magnesium oils and magnesium rubs - these are all great too for localised areas where your muscles are tight and sore. I find the oils with scents don’t agree with me, but if you like lavender, go for it.

If you can take a magnesium salt bath that would be even better. I can’t do it as I live with 3 long-haired teenagers and a dog that think’s it’s a human so I’d have to scrub the bath out before even thinking if I have enough hot water for a bath, let alone not stay in there too long as we only have 3 toilets in the house…

Know how the things you eat/drink/watch/listen to before bed affect you.

Have a drink or don’t have a drink - it’s up to you! Sugar will activate the body, cheese can give you nightmares. I have nothing against having a glass of wine, or a chamomile tea, depending on my mood or the company I’m in. Hot chocolate, well, okay, perhaps the sugar thing isn’t so bad - but seriously - this is totally up to you as everybody’s body is different. If you can’t have a coffee after 4pm because it keeps you awake, then don’t have a coffee. Take control and be disciplined if it helps you sleep! I can drink tea right up to bedtime and it doesn’t bother me - in fact, I often enjoy a late night cuppa cha before bed.

Just as sugar activates your nervous system, strong emotive content can activate you too - you don’t want to listen to an emotive podcast, watch a scary movie or just check X one more time before you hit the sack… you never know what you will find there. Which leads me onto the next point which is…

Be in your power before you go to bed

I will never watch horror movies, not even during the day, because if they are any good, they illicit dark energies. By watching them you are giving consent to them to enter your energy field. I don’t watch crap tv because I feel it’s a waste of my time, and I don’t watch mindless reels, shorts, or tik toks before bed as you never know what is coming next in the feed, and there might be something shocking in there waiting to jump out. The algorithm is designed to keep you stuck there, and I like to be in my own power before I go to bed. I am the master of my Self! Discipline is not such a bad word, not really.

Release all emotions and unfinished business from the day

Anger and animosity are not good bedfellows. Write a list for tomorrow of what you need to do. Scan the day briefly and catch anything that was off, note any unfinished business, and then it is noted. If it keeps coming up in your mind, you can remind yourself that you have it on the list and you will look after it tomorrow. Then do some mindful breathing and releasing to clear it from your energy and immediate awareness.

If the emotions are difficult to manage I have many meditations that can help. Here are a few of them:

Remove unnecessary stresses on the body, heart and mind.

This includes all of the pressure you put on yourself to do things/be good enough/ be a nice person. You don’t have to! Just focus on getting that night’s sleep as your first priority - really - when you are not exhausted or in sleep deficit you actually have more tolerance for other people’s shenanigans. And this is a perfect excuse not to push ridiculous resolutions on yourself. It really is so freeing. Just ask yourself -

1. Do I really need to have the last word?

2. Is this actually worth loosing a night’s sleep over?

3. Am I really that bothered about this?

4. Can I give them the benefit of the doubt?

Then work with one or all of these affirmations - really go deep with them, use them as antidotes to your conditioning.

• I accept myself completely as I am in this moment now

• I meet myself where I am, and I support myself in every moment

• I am my own best friend

• I deserve a good night’s sleep

If you don’t know how to do it here is a short video I made about it.

And hey presto - the pressure has been removed! Really - if there’s nothing you can do about it today, then don’t add the burden

(If you want more affirmations, you can get my 2025 One Day at a Time Diary where I give 3-5 affirmations per week based on the energies of that week PLUS meditations/healing exercises for each week of the coming year - just click here)

Get a weighted blanket

Yes - really! I got one from Amazon, they delivered it quickly and even better, because it was on Prime it had free shipping even though it weighed a ton. Yes I get Amazon Prime. And yes, I know that there’s issues right now with shipping all around the world - so maybe you can find one local. It is worth the effort, as the weight makes your body stop thrashing around restlessly - it’s like a comforting hug. If you can’t, maybe a few heavy blankets on top of your duvet will do the trick.

Get a Cork Trigger Point Set

This really, really works. It’s amazing actually - and you can do it on yourself with some simple tools. Each one has a different function and works on different parts of the body.

I know they look weird! But this has been a game changer for me. You don’t even have to roll them on your body, just push into them, and they help your body to relax at a deeper level.

The ball - I use the cork ball to roll out tight muscles in my back and hips, and shoulders - up against the wall. It takes a while to get used to it, and it can be very painful - the idea is to go slow and deep, and be mindful of what you are doing, rather than cross-fit gung-ho rolling. Seriously - this can be very sore to do, but your body feels great after.

The roller - it’s actually for your feet - bare foot while standing up, step on the roller and slowly push down onto it, you can hit the reflexology points in your body this way and relax the whole body. You can do this standing up in front of the TV at the end of the day instead of sitting on the sofa.

The peanut - this one my favourite even though it looks weird. It lives in my bed behind my pillows and I just grab it, even in the middle of the night - if I find myself awake it’s usually because I forgot to use this. Once I use it I tend to go back to sleep almost right away. You lie down and place your head onto it at the base of your neck and push your head down into it. You will find tender spots in the back of your head you never knew were there. Be gentle and soft - they get better over time, and it really does help your whole body go into ‘shut down’ mode.

Say your prayers before getting into bed

This one may be controversial but I find this incredibly helpful, and very complimentary after releasing the emotions and unfinished business of the day. What I cannot do I hand over to God, and I can actively hand it over through prayer. My inner child loves this as she knows that we have named the issue, handed it over for a few hours anyway, and that in God’s hands, it transforms. The urgency and need to fix and change has left me, and I go to bed in a calm state of mind knowing that I have done all that I can that day, and my job now is to get some rest.

Clear the energy of your house once a month, and your bedroom every few days

Being a lightworker I use clearing techniques often as I am sensitive to energies. I also don’t assume I know everything, and I get a second opinion from time to time in case I miss something, particularly when I clear the house. But clearing the bedroom before bed is simple enough - here is a technique you can try. This work comes with some serious disclaimers and I would ask that you really sit with these before doing anything here.

Important disclaimer: some people find brightening up their energy field easier than dimming it down - and you can’t go to bed and sleep when you are bright. You will be more wired than before. So you could clear the room during the day, and have it ready for yourself for later.

Please note: this is a gentle clearing technique not a deep clean. If you have dark energies in your house this may not make any difference. You could consider finding someone to help you do a land clearing. I made a video for my podcast about this with someone who does exactly this, so click here if you want to learn more.

• Stand at the foot of your bed, facing the headboard. Breathe and bring yourself into the present moment - feel your feet on the ground.

• Visualise yourself as a ball of light, slowly becoming brighter, your energy activating, expanding and opening out into the room.

• You become a big ball of bright light, burning and strong.

• Expand your light outwards to fill the whole room - burning away anything dark and dusty, shrivelling up cobweb like energy in the corners of your room, sending away all the insects out from under the bed. See them dissolving until there is nothing left in the room but the light that you are

• Stay with it for a minute or two, then begin to dim the light that is you, as if you are a dimmer switch, fading gradually until you become a soft glow.

• Sit with it then, allow the room to settle, your body to settle, and your mind too. This helps burn unwanted energies off of you, too.

• Let go of the images and breathe, and soften, and come back to the room, the present moment and to your heart. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Well done.

Again, notice how you feel after doing this. You might not want to hop straight into bed, but use the cork trigger point set at this point to unwind a little first.

Move your phone and electrics away from your bed, or out of your bedroom altogether

Yes this has to be said, and yes, I don’t do this all the time. But it can help. Try it and see if it does.

Take a night off from the astral every so often

You can say out loud to nobody in particular, ‘I need a good night’s sleep tonight, I am not available for work, so please leave me be.’ Okay, it doesn’t always work, (ha ha), but sometimes it does. Try it and see if it makes any difference to the quality of your sleep.

Decide that you actually deserve a full night’s sleep, at least once in a while

If you are not in alignment in your heart, mind, body and soul that you deserve a night’s sleep, then you won’t get one. So work on that - find out which part of you feels like it’s okay to walk around like a zombie. Which aspect of you thinks that its fun to be at half capacity with a muddled brain? Because, like it or not, there are advantages to not being fully functional, in that you have an excuse for not doing the things that you say or think that you should be doing.

Maybe you are putting too much on your plate? Allow yourself to rest - think of all the reasons why you are not allowed to rest and you might find some child-like aspect of you feels like everyone else is suffering in your life so you need to suffer too. Talk to this part of you as if it is a child and explain that you’re no good to anyone if you’re sleep deprived. Here’s a meditative space you can use to have this conversation:

Being afraid of your dreams is another reason why you might not be sleeping

Okay this is a big one. Clear your energy, clear your room, talk to the inner aspects of yourself and even after all of that, you could still be left with some level of fear within you.

Firstly - know yourself (I know it’s getting a little repetitive), and know that if you have faced the skeletons in your closet, you will be fine. If you have not faced them then perhaps 2025 is the year to do it. Decide to get professional help and promise yourself you will actually do it this time.

Secondly, the fear might be from the collective, and not all of it yours. There could be some frequency in you, however, that keeps drawing it back to you. Avoid horror movies, use the energy clearing technique (above) often during the day, and tell yourself that you do not need to be a janitor for the collective. Ask to be shown what you can do for the collective to be an actual help, instead of drifting aimlessly through the fields of consciousness and becoming dipped into whatever you may find there. This may seem more complicated than it actually is - it’s all about your intention.

Be slow, be grace-filled, be in your power and be present to your Self before bed.

I hope you have found something in this quite long list that you can try if you’ve not been sleeping. Sleep is so important, and when we look back on this past year and realise how overwhelming it has been, it makes it all the more vital that we get rest.

From what I can tell, next year will be even more intense, which makes it all the more important for us to know how we can get a good night’s sleep.

Remember - you are the master of your own life, the most important thing you can do is know yourself, look after yourself and clear your energy. This gives you space to think, to breathe, to process everything that is going on for you, and to be more available to help others. We are in this together but we are going through this life on our own. I always go back to that line Billy Joel’s My Life - “Ahh but sooner or later you sleep in your own space; Either way it’s okay, you wake up with yourself.” It’s nice to sleep and wake up refreshed.

If you have any other tips for sleeping that I have not mentioned here please do share them in the comments. And if you found this post useful, please do share it with others you think would also benefit. I’ll leave you with this - the end of one month is the beginning of another. The end of a year is the beginning of another. What is a month? A year? What does it mean anymore?? So much is happening so quickly. Being in the present moment is a gift (ha ha). Take it one day at a time.

What a year this week has been. Much love xxAbby

If you’d like a copy of my One Day at a Time Diary for 2025 you can get it here.

Note on Ascension Symptoms - Elizabeth Peru wrote an excellent article explaining the reasons for many "ascension symptoms" and also includes helpful suggestions on how to work with each. 

Here's the list:

Headaches, migraines, fuzzy head - your brain is forming new neural pathways. You’re creating ‘new thought paths.’ The more you accept newness without resisting, the easier this process will feel. Drink lots of water and rest during major cosmic events.

Spiritual flu - This can be a combination of many of the physical symptoms listed. Even though you have flu-like symptoms, you’re not actually ‘physically ill.’ It’s more of an energetic sickness that passes over 24-48 hours. It can often feel like a ‘spiritual fire’ is rising within you - cleansing and clearing any toxic energy in your cells and bringing them up to a higher, finer vibration.  

Dizziness - This can happen around big cosmic events like solar flaring, eclipses and super moons. Ground yourself by breathing up through your feet. Connect with the Earth for sustenance and stability. 

Ears receiving high-vibration sounds - This will sound like a tuning fork being struck in one ear or the other. A high vibration sound slowly tunes in and then out. It doesn’t hurt and is random (this is not the same as tinnitus). Ear downloads are the way that high vibration 5D information is absorbed by your energy body. All is sound. You’re receiving instructions on your next steps. You may not be able to decipher what the messages mean. Just pause, allow them to absorb and say, ‘Thank you.’ 

Thymus fluttering, sometimes felt as heart palpitations - Your thymus gland is your gland of spiritual awakening. It’s shaped like a butterfly and sits over the sternum in the middle of your chest. You can tap it with your two middle fingers to ground yourself as it flutters, when you’re growing in spiritual awareness. It can often be mistaken for feeling like your heart is palpitating or skipping a beat. This feeling comes and goes, particularly when your heart and ‘high heart‘ (the energy centre of the thymus) are expanding. The vagus nerve which runs down the side of the neck is also linked into the heart and when stimulated (as your neck becomes tight, perhaps from resistance to your incoming life changes) this can also serve to awaken the heart energy field and cause an expansion (fluttering) of consciousness.  

Blurry eyes, sore eyes, eye ticks - Your eyes can become inflamed and sore when life is changing very quickly before you. Your third eye may be developing, as your inner sight expands and your intuition and psychic abilities - telepathy grows. Rest your eyes frequently by closing them and being still. Gentle breathing meditation assists. 

Waking up between 2 and 4 am - This is the hour of the night when energy is still and soul becomes active. You can clear much from your mind, if you awaken during this period. You’re receptive to hearing the voice of soul. Greater clarity comes during these hours, as your personality is quiet. Wake up, meditate, write down your thoughts, then when you go back to sleep, it’s likely you’ll have prophetic dreams (dreams with important messages that you’ll remember). Some people may even astral travel after going back to sleep - i.e., have an outer body experience and be conscious of life continuing on, outside of the physical body while in the dream state. 

Sore muscles and joints - This can be caused by old, toxic energy leaving your cells. When powerful planetary alignments take place, it’s important to MOVE your body to assist in the assimilation of higher vibration. If you do not, energy can become stuck and cause painful muscles and joints. 

Heat rising in the body - Similar to ‘spiritual flu,’ this can often occur ‘early on with some regularity’ during your spiritual awakening journey. I liken it to the spiritual fire of ‘soul’ waking up within you and burning away illusion, bringing in energetic truths. Rest and drink lots of water when this occurs, as it will pass and reveal greater awareness and a clearer direction when complete. 

Dropping objects, clumsiness - This tends to occur when your paradigm has been challenged and your old ways no longer serve you well. You’re being guided to change your ways, to focus more in the moment and not get distracted by many things at once. 

Anxiety - Many 'Empaths’ may feel anxious because of the lower-level (often negative) energy that they pick up and absorb from others and a toxic environment. When there is a lot of cosmic activity, you could feel anxiety rise, accompanied by many of the physical symptoms from this list. If you are sensitive to other’s energy fields, being aware of your abilities is key. Pull your awareness in closer to your own energy field, rather than extending it out to meet others. Look after yourself by focusing on what you love. 

Loss of memory - This often happens when you grow in self-awareness. You become more interested in ‘the moment’ than the past. And hence, you may not even remember (at a glance) what you did this morning - by lunch time today. You’ll need to slow down your thinking in order to recall. High-vibration energy (5D) keeps you in the moment where all-power and potential exists.

Inability to sleep - This can happen when there is much change stirring within you and you’re unsure of what to act upon first. Your personality is over-thinking and over-processing potential problems and solutions. Many also resist the soul assisting the personality and so try to avoid sleep. It’s during sleep that the release valve on your day is set off. Try meditation before sleep or reading a spiritual text (like The Tip-Off) - it always sets you on a path to greater insight during sleep, bodily repair and upgrade time. 

Higher expectations from yourself and others - When you wake up and ascend on your 5D consciousness path, you desire to act with authority, integrity and spiritual excellence. Hence, you’ll expect more from yourself each day and ultimately from those around you too. You’ll put pressure on yourself and others. You’ll come to learn that we are all at different levels of evolution and so over time, the expectations you have of others will wain. Instead you’ll apply your own changes (to yourself first and foremost) and then see them ‘naturally’ affect change in others. This is when spiritual wisdom and maturity dawns. 

Relationship strains and changes - Ultimately as you elevate in awareness of who you are as a soul on a human journey, your relationships will shift (until you come to be in the company of others like you, who have remembered who they are). Those close will feel that ‘you’ve changed’ because you have. Awareness reveals the truth within one - no more pretending. You’ve broken down the outer defense shield. So, you’ll need to move through a period of time where you’re either explaining yourself and your truth to others, seeing if they’ll come on board and grow along with your new sense of spiritual truth, or some will need space from those close. Some relationships can continue and deepen, while others will need to be conducted at a distance or not at all. 

A growing need to break free - This can be accompanied by many of the physical symptoms. If you've been off purpose for too long, you’ll feel the desire to change everything at once and just be free of old restraints and ways. Take practical daily steps, as you see fit. One step at a time towards positive change can make a huge difference (and put you at ease) in your desire to be free. 

Career dissatisfaction - This goes along with a desire to break free. As you become aware of your spiritual reality and are working in tune with cosmic energy each day, the dissatisfaction you may feel in your career or work can increase. This is because you have a growing need to ‘be on purpose’ and if you feel your talents and skills are not being utilised in your work - then you may want to change onto a path that does uplift you and bring great reward and satisfaction. Some people, may realise that their current career is right and they just need to be more of themselves within it. While others will need a complete career path change. I have a Guided Meditation to assist you with this.

A strong desire to find your purpose - This goes along with a desire to break free and can also include career dissatisfaction. One of the great consequences of ascension is the urge for soul to move you onto your purpose for incarnating on Earth in human form. It can become an insatiable urge to remember who you are and what you’re here for. 

Lethargy - This can occur when you’re not treating your physical body well during periods of pronounced cosmic energy shifts. Ensure that you address your diet when in ascension mode and consume high-frequency (fresh, plant based foods) and drink lots of filtered water - limit processed foods (although many will over consume these in an attempt to feel good). Also, ensure that you move your body daily and practice applying what you’re discovering about your reality each day. Action moves lethargy. 

Some need less sleep - Many will be so awake, excited and inspired that they need less sleep. Follow your individual call. 

Greater empathy and compassion - As you deepen your ascension process the energy centre of your heart will expand and create a greater field of compassion around your physical body. You’ll more easily feel what others feel and pick up on energy from your environment. Tears and emotions can be strong, usually during heightened periods of cosmic activity. Use what you feel and pick up on to be kinder to yourself and affect positive change in your own life - first and foremost. 

Change of diet - It’s hugely common that once you wake up and ascend, you feel the intuitive urge to clean up your diet. I remember back in the mid-90’s (when I first woke-up) one of the first practices I was intuitively guided towards was becoming vegetarian - which I did, even though it wasn’t that popular 25 years ago. I loved the immediate effects upon my life. I eventually became vegan and with the range of plant-based, organic (in-season) foods on offer today, it’s easier than ever. I credit changing my diet (straight away as I woke up) to having accelerated my spiritual growth and increased my empathy and compassion (oneness) for all sentient beings of the light. Follow your personal calls to change your diet, as you see fit. 

Shifting friendships and rifts can grow within families - This goes hand-in-hand with ‘relationship shifts and changes.’ Family and longstanding friendships (in particular) will notice changes within you, when you begin to wake-up and grow. They’ll say, ‘You’ve changed.’ You have! They may take issue with it, as they want the ‘old you’ back - particularly if they haven’t woken up and/or have no indication that they will - you’ll be challenging them. This can often be one of the most difficult ascension symptoms to assimilate, as you feel long-standing loyalty to family and friends. However, there is no going back once you begin to ascend. So, each of us has to decide how we choose to interact with family and friends who are no longer in alignment with us. Some go quiet, and plan a path away from old influences. Some try and change those around them (this may or may not work, as all souls have free will). And some may accept that a new path awaits them - which will bring in new friends and possibly means a changed relationship with family, meaning little or no contact. Each of us will walk a different path. All is well, as we choose what best suits. 

Increased telepathy and psychic powers - As your inner sight opens and clears (your third eye) your telepathic abilities (sending and receiving energy messages on the spiritual planes) will naturally increase. Indeed, now that a 5D energy template is fully operational around Earth, it’s easier than ever to trust in and use your telepathic and psychic skills. What you focus on can manifest at lightning speed, for positive or negative effect. So, being self-responsible for how you direct yourself is key. 

Noticing double/triple digit numbers - The SIGNS - Number sequences will begin to jump out at you. Soul resonates with the language of numbers. Numerical sequences form the matrix of reality. And hence, when you see them in uniform sequence, i.e. 11:11, 2:02, 3:33, etc. these become markers, serving to wake-you up and point you in the direction of higher consciousness. When you see a number sequence, simply pause - take note and say, ‘Thank you.’ Then go about your day and wait for further instructions to drop into your awareness - as they will.  

A thirst for ancient, esoteric knowledge - You may find that answers call from our ancient past. You’ll begin searching for buried truths that mainstream archeology dismisses. An interest in ancient technologies, practices and connections with the stars with call. The ancient Egyptian, Syrian, Mayan, Indian, Aboriginal and ALL indigenous cultures will appeal. Dive in deep and love what you find. Goddess cultures may also call - a time on Earth when the feminine (creative) was elevated above the masculine. 

Meditating, taking up yoga or healing arts - This goes hand-in-hand with a change in diet and all of the other ascension symptoms. You’ll feel your physical body changing (bringing in more light) and as a result you'll feel the urge to practice exercise and healing techniques that help you to master your energy flow. These practices can accelerate your spiritual growth.

A need to take action - Where you’ve been sitting back unsure or unmotivated, once ascension begins you’ll likely feel the need to move and be active along your path. Some people may want to tackle many changes all at once. Go at your pace and apply what you know. Walking your spiritual talk is imperative to being grounded and authentic when embracing 5D ascension. 

OBEs, conscious out-of-body experiences - This can occur when you awaken early in the morning (and then go back to sleep), between 2 - 4 am. You may have a lucid dream at first (you know you’re dreaming within the dream) followed by a rumbling in your body and a feeling that you’re tearing away from the physical body. You could find that your astral or energy body is travelling through different dimensions - and you’re conscious of it. This can happen quite spontaneously for many and may never happen at all for others. It takes practice to master being out of your body and will teach you much about the cosmic nature of reality. 

Tears flowing, overly emotional - This occurs in line with the heart field expanding and your empathic skills developing. This means that water is flowing in your physical body, cleansing and clearing old, stuck energy in the process. It can be a very positive sign. If you become overly emotional, you can ground yourself by stepping outside barefoot into nature and allowing the outdoor energy flow to naturally reset you.

Increased self-awareness of your old patterns - As your consciousness grows, so does your ability to reflect and make self-responsible determinations of where and how you’ve developed repetitive patterns because of choices you’ve made. With considered insight comes the ability to consciously choose and shift your patterns to a higher energy flow. You do this with daily action steps. 

Vivid dreams - This goes hand-in-hand with OBEs and waking up in the early hours. Soul is wide awake and directing you to learn more about who you are through the dream state. You’ll also be cleansing and gaining clarity on past situations and future visions. Keep a notebook near your bed and write down whatever you can remember, as soon as you wake, before it slips from your consciousness. You’ll learn much from your dream states. Focus on the ‘feelings’ in your dreams, they tell you everything. 

Being hugely creative and inspired - With a higher vibration being channeled through you, creativity surges. You could find that you’re constantly being inspired with new ideas. I suggest that you implement your ideas - one at time. Try them out and act on what you receive. Soul loves it when you apply your direction. Not applying your creativity can result in pent-up energy stifling you.  

Sinuses running, increased sneezing - As your third eye (the awakening pineal/pituitary gland in concert with the heart, the inner pyramid of truth) comes on line, you could find that your sinuses run - and you could experience sneezing fits. This I liken to a clearing of the third eye. 

Stomach irritation and irregular bowel movements - As old energy and lower vibration moves though your physical body, you could notice that you ‘let go’ with increased movement in your stomach and bowels. You quite literally can either release a flood of old energy via the bowels or resist it leaving and then feel constipated. Water helps to clear you, as does rest. Such physical irritations and cleansing usually clear up as you let go and as, powerful planetary influences pass. 

Lower back issues - Issues of feeling supported (or not) often play out in our lower back. You could find that as you change and  others around you do not, you could feel frustrated and like you’re all out on your own. This is often when backs can seize up - as you feel unsupported and can manifest this feeling in your back - which supports your body. Tell yourself that there is plenty of support all around you and that you’re truly capable. Lie on the ground, outdoors (or against a tree) for great healing relief. 

Upper back pain or itching between the shoulder blades - Right in between your shoulder blades is where your ‘wings of light’ are located. See my recent blog post on this. Your etheric wings open up and extend, as you further develop your light body and spiritual energy field. This can cause a tightness and itching in the upper back area, as well as a heaviness in your shoulders, as your wings slowly open. Once unfurled, you’ll feel an elevated lightness in your upper back and ability to more easily rise above and see the bigger picture of all. This can take some time to be achieved. Be patient.

Sore neck and shoulders - You could find that your neck becomes stiff (extending down to your shoulders) when you’re not accepting the new information and higher vibration coming down into your physical body. Be flexible and allowing of change. Recognise that there are many ways to achieve your goals. Practicing openness and dropping fear of the unknown will assist. Challenge yourself daily. 

Wanting to be on your own - Many feel the need to cocoon off from others and their old way of life when ascending in 5D consciousness. This incubation period helps one to know themselves without distraction and can be vital to your spiritual growth. If you live or work with others and cannot be on your own, you may notice that you become emotionally and mentally distant. Be aware that they may not understand. Explain that you just need some quiet time to go within. Allow others to grow with you, if they choose.  

Growing in personal power - You’ll begin to feel more confident in who you are (all of you) the more that your consciousness grows. Authenticity flows, as the person you are on the outside is a direct reflection of who you are on the inside. You move into alignment with soul and your path of light. You act with integrity and higher consideration and respect for yourself and others. This is personal power. 

Feeling that everything you’ve ever known has been a lie - As your 5D awareness grows and you reflect deeply on your past, you could feel that everything you’ve ever known and/or have been taught has been a lie. It’s not a lie, it’s just that you haven’t tapped into the wholeness of multi-dimensional reality. Rather than becoming angry or frustrated, you can become excited instead. Your growing awareness now means that you can see how your ‘will’ and choices direct your life. You now become responsible for where you take yourself in life and that equates to personal freedom and equals personal power. 

Bouts of euphoria, followed by feeling low - With 5D ascension and shifting daily planetary influences, you can experience bouts of being on a high, followed by days when your energy feels lower. These lower periods are the ‘assimilation’ periods. After growth, you need to stabilise and allow yourself to rest. It’s just like working out a muscle with weights. You push it past its limits, then rest and during the rest period (the low) it grows stronger. Spiritual growth (ascension) works in exactly the same way. So, on slower days - you’re not really low, you’re just assimilating your changes and growth, before getting ready to expand again.

Shortness of breath - Along with heart expansion during 5D ascension, your lungs are taking in greater capacity for life. And so, you could find that as your energy field grows, you experience a sporadic shortness in breath. Deep breathing, right down into your belly (in through the nose and out through the mouth) assists with a more even breath - of the in and out flow. 

From: https://elizabethperu.com/blog/ascensionsymptoms

You can get a free copy of my book with here: https://bit.ly/MassProtection

If only more people understood that life is not supposed to be easy, that we’re here to learn lessons, and sometimes lessons are difficult.  These lessons usually come as a result of our relationships with other people so therefore we must have real relationships, not virtual online chat box texting relationships that you could just as easily have these days with AI. 

And when we called them out on it, we are the ones in the wrong. People are living deluded, comfortable lives, and they shoot down anybody that takes them out of their bubble. Ouch!

My sense is that this time will have to come to an end soon because it cannot be sustained. God did not make us this way to live a life like that. There is suffering going on in these people at some level because of it. The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you the hell off.

This reminds me of when I went to see Posey Parker in Dublin. All the trans-activists on the other side of the fences were screaming at us in an unhinged manner. We all looked at each other, all of us in our 40s, 50s and 60s, mostly women, but there were some men there. We felt sorry for them, We said to each other, “When they grow out of it, we will be here for them, to look after them.” We all agreed that they were deluded. We hoped it’s just a phase that they’re going through. 

I haven’t changed my mind. It’s a phase that our culture and society is going through. A realisation that they have to grow up, that they have to take responsibility for themselves that nobody can do their work for them.

It’s interesting as I say this, because I’m doing a healing session this evening for somebody who has 8 million followers on Instagram! If that is not mainstream, I don’t know what is. She came to me because she said nobody else that she knows is doing healing your teenager, and that’s what she wants me to do for her. 

With teenagers on my mind for tonight, putting all the pieces together, it looks like our society and culture is going through a teenage rebellious phase - where they have to come to terms with the fact they do have to do their own work, that they do have to wake up in the morning, clean the room and be responsible for themselves and for their world. And they don’t want to do it, so this is how they fight against it. And we, the responsible adults, will just have to wait until they grow out of this phase, gently pointing out to them where they’re wrong, just as we would do as parents with our own teenagers. 

What is insidious and evil about the situation is where institutions, NGOs and the like, have adopted the delusions of this societal teenage mentality, and are taking advantage of it. Normalising it, creating systems around it, trying to put it into law to encourage, maintain and extend this ‘teenage phase’ of our growth. 

This way of looking at it makes sense to me, because once you have a teenager, it is inevitable that it will eventually grow into an adult. (or not, but that topic is not for today. In the meantime you could read this article fresh off the presses…)

So what will the government do with a society and a culture that is adult and responsible? Could they handle one that learns lessons and speaks out against evil and injustice? Eh… no. That’s not the way they want us to be - we would become a huge disruptive force for them.

But they are aware that some of us are adults already, so we need to be distracted. While the teenagers act out as teenagers (and this is a massive distraction for us I would add), they create war, leak documents about geo engineering and keep us separated and divided on big ideas like God, and confuse us with AI. 

I was watching a Jeremy Clarkson show last night where they had a flying car - an actual car that flew!  They have this technology. They have had it for years and they only release it into the mainstream when it suits them to. We have no idea what the real capacity of AI is. We’re only seeing baby AI.

This is what I think is going on right now. What do you think? Let me know in the comments.

Between my Tree of Life Mastery session, and the closing webinar of Raise your Vibration Bootcamp, what I am seeing is that most people are experiencing overwhelm, along with grief, anger, jealousy and guilt. Most of which is strange and unexpected, many people thought they had already dealt with the issues around the emotion. And there is physical pain that goes with these strong feelings, too - when the body is stressed it twists, spasms and shrinks. Releasing stress is imperative to release physical pain.

This upheaval is not going to end for a while.

I tend not to watch forecasts for the month ahead as you probably know, but I have dipped into a few people's YouTubes and seen similar themes. ‘Messy multi-dimensional mis-alignment’ is the best descriptor I could find (from Lee Harris!). What you are experiencing isn't your pain, your grief, your anger, but in a way, it also is. What is in the collective is also in you, what is in you, is in the collective.

I decided to cancel my blue tick for Twitter. (X just doesn’t roll off the tongue.) I found myself getting involved in too many back-and-forths with people who were just-not-listening. I found myself just-not-listening to them, too. I didn’t like it, I didn’t like me in it. Pitching ourselves against each other is not the way to move forward.

As the title of this article says - revolutions go around. This call for revolution has not been well thought out. I don’t want to find myself back where I was, whilst believing that I was moving forward. No. I want to grow and shift out of this paradigm altogether. I prefer to call on evolution, than revolution. Calling for a revolution is not a long-term solution. I don’t think we can fix some of these old things from within.

There are books I want to read, a feeling of freedom I long to hold. I have mysteries to solve, I have new books to write, new territories to explore. But I’m not doing any of this - I’m in a holding pattern. I am constantly scanning the ‘news’ both the alternative and the mainstream. I find nothing in either of them that is good, wholesome and healthy. A lot of bickering. It’s actually making me sick, deteriorating my zest for life. It wears us all down and I’ve had enough.

I want some space for me. So I need to carve it out for myself.

October is a time for letting go - the leaves remind us of this. Clear out the old. It’s also time to make space for new things to come in. To evolve. If you resonate with what I am saying, here are some energy tips for you -

• Don't take your emotional pain personally. Don't try to analyse it. Step away from whatever it is that is triggering you, and breathe through it all, let it move through you and out of you.

Just as I am letting go of news and social media, I still will dip in and out of it to take the temperature, but I do not need to immerse myself in it constantly. My safety levels in the world no longer come from what others say the world is. I will work from what my heart says it is instead. When I do this, I remember to bring God’s light down into me, and once I do that, all is well. Find your groove, the balance of what works for you without hurting your body, mind and soul. Remember, they are trying to put fear into you, any form of ‘news’ takes you away from your soul, your heart, and from grace.

• Make time for meditation. Make space for disappointment. (yes you heard me right - disappointment needs time and space, just like grief does.) Upgrade your self-care. Make contemplation time a priority.

Society doesn't value contemplation time. It should. It is the space where we find those parts of ourselves that are troubled, and sit with them, hold them lovingly, until they find ease. Where we work out our issues, or simply reorganise our energy field. Where we actually let the things go, and the new things come in. If we spent more time in contemplation we would't be pushing ourselves so hard, or trying to fill a cavern of need with food, alcohol or harmful substances. We would just be, and we would learn that being is enough.

• We are all different, we are not who we were last year. Get to know yourself anew. Listen to your body. It might want something that you do not expect.

I know - there are lots of things here for you to take on board - whatever jumps out at you first is the one that you need the most. Maybe just do one thing differently this month and watch the ripple effect.

• Give yourself permission to grow, to heal, and to carry grace inside of you at all times. You are a container for God’s light, when you let it inside of you, you bring it with you wherever you go.

We are, all of us, experiencing many changes and we all feel it in different ways. But we are all going through this storm together, if it is indeed a storm. I do believe that it is a series of very strong upgrades - not just for us, but also for this ‘hologram’ we call home. We have outgrown the old and we need something new that can hold us in the next phase of our growth and evolution. We will come out stronger for it. 

Acknowledge how you feel, to yourself. Reach out and talk to a friend if you need to. Call someone you love and tell them you love them, they may need to hear it. It's time to live your life to it's fullest. Because all we really have, is now.

Before I could get to the answer, someone else in there answered. This is why I love Telegram - it really is a space where we can have discussions and share our opinions. I feel I can be totally myself in there without being censored. Anyway, this is what they said: I see the ego as your male energy, the logical side and your protector... The female side is your intuition, creativity and your nurturing energy. So yes, ying-yang would mean the same thing to me. Both have to work together in balance for us to feel and be our best versions of self. In my healing process, I had to completely separate myself from my ego for a short while to allow my divine feminine to come through loud and clear. Once this was achieved I began to balance both, sorta like a relationship that needed a short separation to then come back and share what they have learned and find a common ground to work together as a team.

I love this! But technically it’s not correct. I don’t mean to be pedantic, but if we can really qualify what all of this is, then perhaps we can start to work with it at a deeper level.

To be clear about the ego - The ego is a structure within our psyche that enables us to function in this reality. That’s it - it is a structure. What I believe goes into that structure is our conditioning, our experiences and the collective understanding of what is and what is not appropriate behaviour. It’s not male or female, but our experiences, and our conditioning can feel like their male because they’re authoritarian, coming from our first experiences with parents, teachers, and authority figures, etc.

So in essence, it’s not the ego we need to kill at all. It’s our conditioning.

People often confuse the ego, and being egotistical. Egotistical behaviour is an archetype, where an archetype is a pattern of behaviour with recognisable traits. A few examples of archetypes include the hero, the narcissist, the entrepreneur, the mother, and the wounded healer. The narcissist is the most egotistical of all, I’ve written about that, here:

Egotists believe themselves to be superior to others in skill and intelligence. As a result, some prefer to bully and insult others, while others are simply too self-centered to care about those around them. This is what needs to go.

And as I say in the video, we are becoming more sensitive to inauthenticity and egotistical behaviour, we can spot it much quicker now. And we can say no to it - as a matter of self-care. It is not selfish (or egotistical) to be more discerning around who, and what, we spend our time with. And self-care is most certainly not selfish!

We are starting to create new, vibrant opportunities to live authentically. I envision a future where people will have a choice to stay in a narcissistic, authoritarian society, or to walk away and join a heart-centred one. Yay!!

If you enjoyed this you can buy the author a coffee.

When was the last time you really thought about the consequences of how much time you give yourself to get ready in the morning?

Most of our choices are subconscious - they’re the ones we make while on autopilot, while taking something for granted. We make subconscious choices when we are distracted, which is why there are so many exciting dramas out there to keep us in a constant state of distraction, and, therefore, on autopilot.

One of the keys to life is to get off of autopilot and make sure that each choice we make is a conscious one.

Here’s another thing about choices - we have a tendency to imprison ourselves to bad choices. We beat ourselves up over choices we should have made, without auditing our current circumstances. No - we made our bed, so we must lie in it. The conditioning kicks in - make the best of things, love the person you’re with, I do not want what I have not got. They try to convince us to ride the waves and to stick with things as they are, but we do not have to. We do, always, have a choice.

The three biggest choices we make in life are where we live, who we are with, and what we spend most our time doing, i.e what we do for money. Because it takes so much energy to make these particular choices, we become deeply invested in them. We dread the possibility that we might have made a mistake. However, we don't realise by accepting things as they are every day, we are actually choosing them every day. And if they’re not right for us, they are a bigger drain on us than we realise.

The reason why I’m writing this is because I keep hearing people say that they didn’t have a choice, or projecting onto others in sticky situations, saying that they didn’t have a choice either. Deciding someone else didn’t have a choice normalises it. We cannot normalise not having a choice because it simply is not true.

Heres the thing - This is a spiritual war. The choice you make boils down to what you value more - your soul, or comfort. Finding the energy to put your choice into action is secondary to making the choice itself. But sometimes people choose what is easy over what is true because they don’t realise the energy will come when it is needed.

Back to Caroline Myss. Caroline took Jung’s original work on Archetypal energies and brought them into a more practical application and for that I will be forever grateful. She says that we each have twelve archetypal energies that flow through us at certain times of our lives, influencing us - they act out through us, overpowering us at times. Once you recognise the behavioural pattern, (for example; narcissist, playboy, diva, princess, etc), it’s easier to manage - however, recognising it in ourselves is more difficult than recognising it in another person. It leads me to wonder how strong these energies are when choice-making is concerned - are we indeed the do-er of the deed, or is the deed the do-er of us? This is a higher level spiritual conversation, perhaps for another day. However, all of us, no matter who we are, have four archetypal energies that are the same. One of these is the prostitute, and no, it’s not about selling your body. It’s about selling your soul.

I often use the movie The Devil Wears Prada to illustrate the consequences of making choices while on autopilot and taking things for granted. Andrea (played by Anne Hathaway) is a kind and generous person who is offered a job as assistant to a top fashion executive. She is wow'ed by the glamor and in trying to keep her boss happy, she stops having time for her friends and her family and starts spending money on clothes that cost more than the rent of her apartment so she can keep up and fit into her new world.  One day she is faced with a choice so large that it practically smacks her in the face and wakes her up. She realised that she was making little choices time and time again that lead her down a path, away from her friends and towards a person who was cold, heartless and soul-less. She was on track to become that person herself. In putting her job first and herself last, she also chose to place her family and her boyfriend last. Of course Andrea makes the right choice, quits her job and follows her hearts true desire in the end, takes the leap and, interestingly, we all come out of the movie still quite liking her, and perhaps loosing the essence of the importance of her story.

We don’t all get to work for big fashion executives, so for us, things might not be that obvious. The consequences of little choices that we make time and time again, that bring us down a soulless path, can lead some of us towards an actual car crash before we snap out of it.

Brett Weinstein said in a recent podcast with Kim Iverson that there are three types of people working in Big Pharma. Those that go along willingly with the agenda, those that are reluctant but have no choice, and those that are rebelling against it. Here, again, we have a normalisation of people having no choice. Do they really have no choice? Or is that part of the illusion? Are these people consciously choosing comfort and money over truth? Or do they feel they’ve gone so far down that path that they cannot come back?

The results of selling your soul are becoming harder to hide.
Do you value truth above comfort? Your soul above luxury, fame and fortune?
Why is nobody asking these questions?

I watched a YouTube with Charles Eisenstein yesterday, called The Next 5 Years. I recommend it, it was just beautiful. One of the things he shared was that he asked his students to give examples of things that went against science, things that nobody would believe were true. Story after story was told, and yet still, his students were reluctant to believe that there is a greater power out there that is on our side, even though they had the anecdotal evidence for it.

We are in an existential crises. But we are not alone. It’s time to take that leap of faith.

I have taken many leaps of faith. Years ago I was in a job that sucked the life out of me. Every day I came home and told my husband I couldn’t go into work the next day. He was at home, minding two babies, and I was working supporting the family. I knew I had a choice - yes, it was a very difficult choice, and it put my whole family at risk. I knew if I stayed I would become an empty shell of a thing, an angry person unhappy with life. I couldn’t do that to myself. Conditioning makes us believe that way of thinking is selfish. Yet the knock-on effect of my staying in that job would have been my bringing my empty, soul-less self home every evening, and my beautiful children, and my husband, would have had to live with a miserable person. I didn’t have children to do to them what was done to me. One night I told Ian point blank that I had to leave the job. We both needed to take a leap of faith. I didn’t know what we would do for a while but I could temp, something would come up, I had to have faith. With his support I gave my notice, and before I left the old job a new job came up, with better money. But it didn’t appear until I left my old job behind.

Take a leap of faith, make the space for new, and the new will appear.

Charles Eisenstein suggests we should be more confident and know that God is on our side. He asks what could we achieve if we lived that way? What if we knew that good choices would lead us closer to God? That the risks we take in the direction of light will pay off even better than our wildest dreams?

It puts a different spin on things, doesn’t it? Different to what Brett is saying - yet his actions show differently. Brett made the choice not to become swallowed up in a woke institution that has been captured, he did not want to prostitute himself to an agenda that creates victim mentality, where there is none. He had children to support too, yet he wouldn’t sell his soul for security and comfort. So why are those working in Big Pharma any different? And why can’t he see that?

Here’s another lesson from Caroline Myss - the universe is both personal and impersonal. She choose to take the vaccine. She ran retreats in Findhorn and you had to be vaccinated to go. I was very disappointed in her for that. At the personal level, why she took the vaccine was her choice and none of my business. At the impersonal level, by her taking it, she lost many of us. In energetic terms, she chose a frequency. I can only think that people at that frequency need her there. Perhaps that’s why she choose it? Perhaps her staying at that frequency was, for people like me, the equivalent of being kicked out of the nest. It happened with Doreen Virtue too, when she chose to become a born-again Christian. There was a lot of that in the past three and a half years.

The choices we make for our soul contracts are beyond the scope of what I’m writing about here, however spiritual choices are made before we incarnate and it may feel that we didn’t have a choice in the moment, because it was designed that way. It gets complicated when you bring in archetypal energies too. Everything happens for a reason, even when a dear spiritual teacher turns people away from her door because they didn’t put an untested chemical into their bodies, there is a reason. And I’m becoming more comfortable with the not knowing why. I don’t need to have all the answers, because God’s plan, if it is indeed a plan, is bigger than me. I take a leap of faith there, too.

Where am I going with this? Well, I think in essence, I want to say that when you feel you don’t have a choice, if you’re on autopilot you’re not really giving yourself an opportunity to choose. And if you made choices in your life that you regret, it’s time to stop regretting them. They happened because they happened. Focus on what you are doing right here, right now.

So stop. Know that you do have a choice in anything you do, as long as your eyes are open to it.

Know that if you don’t have the energy to change something, once you decide to change it, the energy can come back to you. You can also ask for help too, if it feels overwhelming.

Take your power back from whatever it is that’s draining you - because when you are powerless, you make bad choices.

Raise your energy, because when your energy is bad, you make bad choices.

Know that sometimes you can’t see the solution, but it’s because your energy is at a different frequency to that solution. The solution is there, and it’s a leap of faith. God is on our side. Let’s take that leap, together.

I am going to hit the books and I thought you might like to join me. This is what I’ve come up with so far:

From Wikipedia: The illusory truth effect (also known as the illusion of truth effect, validity effect, truth effect, or the reiteration effect) is the tendency to believe false information to be correct after repeated exposure.^[1] This phenomenon was first identified in a 1977 study at Villanova University and Temple University.^[2][3] When truth is assessed, people rely on whether the information is in line with their understanding or if it feels familiar. Repetition makes statements easier to process relative to new, unrepeated statements, leading people to believe that the repeated conclusion is more truthful. The illusory truth effect has also been linked to hindsight bias, in which the recollection of confidence is skewed after the truth has been received.

If it feels familiar then it must be true. If it is repeated, then it must be true.

I am sure I’ve fallen for this many times myself. However, critical thinkers are the ones who take an idea that they are presented with and question it. Thankfully I’ve been doing this for many years, but many people don’t do it. They prefer to hand judgement/power to someone else to make decisions for them. Like needing parental protection. Which is why I believe we are treated like children by our governments, to keep us in this perpetual state of child-like disempowerment. Anyway.

Apply the illusory truth effect to advertising and you get the clever twisting of words to make you believe that one product is the best, or better than the others.

The Marketing Rule of 7: The Rule of 7 states that a prospect needs to “hear” the advertiser's message at least 7 times before they'll take action to buy that product or service. The Marketing Rule of 7 is a marketing maxim developed by the movie industry in the 1930s. (source)

When the message is given in a forceful, repetitive and convincing way, it makes it more difficult even for critical thinkers to criticise it.

While I was in Morocco last November I was studying The Kybalion, again. I recommend everyone reads The Kybalion, especially the section on Mental Gender. You have to read the whole book though, in order to understand this section, and it took me about 7 reads before I fully understood all the principals. (Hmm 7 reads, isn’t that interesting!) So, for those of you who are not in a position to read an entire book 7 times, here’s the main substance of the Principle of Mental Gender:

In other words, the images and imagination created by the feminine aspect of the mind are deeply influenced by the impressions given to it by the masculine aspect of the mind.

We know that a stronger masculine aspect always wins over a weaker one. What if the stronger masculine aspect came from outside of ourselves, overpowering the one within?

So what I’ve got so far, is this -

Everyone’s mind can be susceptible to a forceful idea. With repetition, any idea becomes familiar, and familiarity creates the illusion of truth.

Sounds a little like how MK Ultra may work, if there was such a thing.

“Repetition does not transform a lie into a truth.” — Franklin D. Roosevelt

“Repeat a lie often enough and it becomes the truth” - Joseph Goebbels.

I know which man out of the three I just mentioned above that I would rather have dinner with.

Ahem. Okay then. Let’s continue.

Back to Wikipedia -

In a 2015 study, researchers discovered that familiarity can overpower rationality and that repetitively hearing that a certain statement is wrong can paradoxically cause it to feel right.^[4]

The Principle of Mental Gender? Receiving a forceful/wilful idea as true which overpowers the feminine aspect and takes over, pushing even the rational aspect of the mind aside? Makes sense now.

But I forgot to talk about one more thing - fear. Add fear into the mix and bingo, you’ve got your system. Even the most intellectual mind has been shown to be susceptible to this deadly cocktail.

I just want to introduce one more concept here. Priming Psychology.

Priming, or, the Priming Effect, occurs when an individual’s exposure to a certain stimulus influences his or her response to a subsequent stimulus, without any awareness of the connection.

These stimuli are often related to words or images that people see during their day-to-day lives…. The priming effect can impact society if enough individuals are primed to behave or think in a specific manner. (source)

Repetition Priming - This variation of priming occurs when a stimulus and response are paired repeatedly. Due to pairing, we become more likely to act or think a specific way each time the stimulus appears.

Like slogans? Advertising slogans?

What is that thing in the picture? A Trans-human? Is this where we are going? Trans humans have human rights? Because as far as I know, all humans have human rights, because, well, it’s our right, isn’t it? Am I right?

Okay. It’s getting intense. This is brainwashing of the highest order.

Watch this clip from Billboard Chris on Twitter, when he talks to an Irish teacher. It’s interesting that the younger men in the conversation can hear what Chris is saying, but the teacher is so attached to what he has been primed for, that he can’t even hear what is being said.

Here’s the link, because now substack and twitter are not speaking to each other: https://twitter.com/BillboardChris/status/1660182651385548801

Did you hear Chris say when you repeat something 1000 times, the child believes it to be true.? About 2.20 into the video: Using the wrong name, the wrong pronoun, is a psycho-social intervention. Essentially every time you use the wrong pronoun with a child, you’re sending them the message that they’re born in the wrong body.

This breaks my heart. Nobody is born into the wrong body. God has a plan for all of us.

I heard someone tell a story somewhere on social media about a de-transitioner. (apologies for not having the source for this as I have been overwhelmed with information as we all have been). This person was speaking at a meeting and they said that they had felt that they were on one side of a riverbank, while wanting to be on the other side. They were told they could cross the river and join the people on the other side, all they needed to do was take some drugs and have some surgical procedures. They stepped off of the riverbank and into the river, full of hope and anticipation, and then became swept away by the current. The more time passed, the further away the other riverbank became, until this person realised that they would never get there. They couldn’t go back, either. They have to stay in the river now, for the rest of their life.

Normally I don’t end on such an upsetting note. But honestly, this is upsetting, and I don’t know how this will all end. I believe it’s up to us to keep going. Billboard Chris says he was seen by over 200,000 people while standing on Grafton Street in Dublin. And he is just one person.

So all I can say is stay consistent. And don’t fall for repeated lies. Reach out if it’s becoming overwhelming. Talk to someone who is on the same page as you. Leave me a comment below if you want to discuss anything I’ve said here, or have further ideas, or think I’ve left out something. Let’s get stronger together.

UPDATE - May 22

I needed to add this video to the mix. Just because. Watch and you will understand why, if you’ve read the above.

Oh Mary, why don’t you have some sense?
Please do something to restore my confidence…

Ahh, I see the why, now. Why now?
Why hath the world lost its reign on common sense? Perhaps it was never there to begin with.

The sleepers stay asleep whilst more of us awaken to the idiocy that is our world at this present time. We wonder would it be better to stay sleeping, or should we wake up some more of the sleepers.

Am I bothered? Am I really bothered? Or am I just telling myself that I am?

In a world gone mad, if we were bothered about EVERYTHING then we would have little energy left for the most important things, such as - do my children feel loved? Are they secure in who they are? And do they have enough clean underwear?

Okay they’ve been doing their own laundry for a while now, but you see what I mean - what is here right in front of us is what we need to care about most. I have no qualms about running out into the garden in the rain with a torch at 11.30pm to check my baby Dahlia’s for slugs. Or to send an old friend who doesn’t think like I do a meme that made me laugh and ask “Do you remember when?”, or to simply arrive on my father’s doorstep for a hug.

I do care.

I tried to explain how the new hate speech laws were going to be passed whether we liked them or not to my 19 year old son. He said, “Mum, Ireland hasn’t been a democracy for a very long time.” That was a surprise to hear from him. Because I have only been realising it myself, of late. And he’s not bothered about it. I found that interesting. He does what he wants when he wants, and leaves everybody else to it.

I realise that with all of my efforts to protect my children, perhaps I didn’t need to in the first place. They don’t seem to be as bothered about the things that I’m bothered about - perhaps I should take a step back from it all? Perhaps we all should.

We must get our priorities right. We must pick our battles too - there are plenty of people battling on social media, sending out fake news, documentaries and reports. Most of this information deliberately shoves a crowbar into the structure of the world that we have created, the structure that we believe this world to be. But I have always wondered if it was real, thinking this way was a pastime for me, for most of my life. I have no problem with this way of thinking, however, many people have huge problems with it, and it’s really shaking them to their core.

Is the world flat? Is it round? Is it round and flat? Will we ever find out? Does it really matter?

I believe nothing anyone tells me now. And yet I’m open to listening to all of it, as I am fascinated with our current process of growth and evolution. This is all part of it - changing the stories we tell ourselves as we creep further away from our proverbial “Mama” to discover the world for ourselves. Mama, here, could be the bible, the history we learned at school, our government; it is whatever we invested ourselves into as being the foundation of everything that we believe in. It’s breaking, and the darkness is taking advantage of our heartbreak around this, and using it as a weapon against us.

How do we know what is true?

All of this bombardment of new information - it is part of the spiritual war we are in. I’ll say it again - This is spiritual warfare. It is a deliberate attack on our spirit.

Because if you don’t care about climate change you’re a….
Or if you don’t care about the children then you’re even worse than a…

We care. We care too much. So our energy becomes shattered, trying to juggle and dance with all of the “big important things” that are vying for our attention. We must keep up with the latest from whoever we feel is telling truth. Then we question whether they are credible, whether their truth matches our truth… This is an unending battle. The darkness within the light is showing itself. We must keep track of the darkness too so it doesn’t spill over and into our homes. We lose our spiritual energy trying to speak about how we really feel in a delicate way so that we won’t be attacked for it, or call too much attention to ourselves. Or we go the opposite way gung ho! and on the rampage all the time, attack attack attack the best form of defence is attack. And hurting ourselves, and others in the process.

All the while we are loosing sight of what is at stake here - our soul.

We need to do a spiritual workout so we become stronger and can pull ourselves out of what is not important, because it is not really that important. Not really. Many of my friends call it “a movie” and it certainly seems that way. Especially when you look at the contradictions and plot twists, and where they are all coming from. It’s almost as if they know what’s on your mind, can tell your deepest fears, and then they show you an advert of something you thought you might need to prove that they are already inside you.

We must get stronger. Let’s do some spiritual working out. Right now. To reclaim our power, and to centre and ground ourselves.

The warm up:

• Say out loud - I do not consent to dark energy lurking in my field. Be gone now!

If you waver saying this then you need to say it again, over and over, until you feel much stronger with it. More certain. And of course, you can use your own words, or change mine up until they fit for you. This is a bit like tidying up the room before you lay down your yoga mat.

The workout:

• Everything you know is a lie. How do you feel about that?

• Really ask yourself this question, and think of the implications of it. Write down how you feel, write down what you think. Go as deep as you are able to. This could take a while.

• What if the statement “everything is a lie” is the truest thing that you will hear today? Or ever?

• Sit with it. Detach your attachment to everything you think is real. You’re still here, yes? Good!

• Now. Name 5 things you can see, 4 things you can hear, 3 things you can feel, 2 things that you know for sure.

• Then do the exercise again with those 2 things - do you really know them for sure?

• Well done.

The cool down:

• Feel your bare feet on the grass/pull your energy into yourself.

• Give yourself permission to be emotional.

• Give yourself permission to be with the unknowing. This is a difficult thing to do but once you do it, it is very free-ing.

• Tell yourself that you are doing great. Because you are.

• Make a cup of tea and take a break.

Because you will still have to cook the dinner, do the laundry, hug your children. You will have to get up in the morning and go to bed at night. And check your dahlias for slugs, if you’re growing dahlias.

See - the truth is always hiding in plain sight. And they tell it to us while we are still so very young that we don’t even know it is the key everything. Or is it?

We live in this reality - whether it be God’s dream or our dream; whether we are the gods dreaming the dream, or it’s all a simulation in someone else’s computer on another planet, in another universe.

So if it is a dream, I want my part of it to be merry. I’ve worked hard enough for it, and I will not be torn to shreds by some spiritual being who wants to feed off my weakness and take away my soul because I care too much about something that is outside of me. Or maybe it’s inside of me. Perhaps that thing that I care about doesn’t actually exist? Perhaps it does. I don’t know anything anymore, and I have to live with that. And so do you!

Let me know in the comments what you think, your workout results, and if you’d like me to do some more spiritual workouts for you. Ultimately, it is our heart that is our inner compass, and that is what guides us back home, to ourselves.

PS - The Inner Compass Trilogy, my novel in 3 parts, follows Marissa as she goes through a spiritual crisis of Awakening, Transformation and Expansion. It has lots of spiritual truths in it and you might find it interesting read, if you like what I wrote here. You can find it online, wherever you choose to buy your books.

We have a physical body.

Every 7 years the cells in our physical body are replaced, old cells die and new cells grow in. We start with the body of a baby, then shift to toddler body, then child, teenager, then young adult. The body you’re inhabiting right now is very different to the one you grew up in. But we don’t see this as upgrading ourselves, it’s the circle of life, it’s natural growth and development and it happens over the course of our lifetime, so slowly that we don’t notice it until we stop and pay attention.

We have an energetic body.

Because we don’t see it, most of us are unaware of it. Our emotional, mental and physical body is connected by our energetic body, or we could call it our consciousness. The blocks in our energetic body hamper our physical body - if we are tied up in knots energetically, our physical body doesn’t get as much life force energy flowing into it. Stress can knot us up, holding onto emotional pain and trauma can cause stagnation and blocks in our energy field.

Life force energy flows into us, and through us, and out from us.

The amount of life force energy that flows into our physical body, and the way that this energy flows has a direct impact on our vitality. When the energy flows freely, we are vibrant, in flow, we feel good. Our body is fed and nourished, we have energy to work rest and play. Most of us are not in top energetic shape for many reasons, particularly as we are, and have been, in a spiritual war. For some reason, today it feels like that is coming to an end - they no longer have as much power over us as they did. This will ease things up significantly, but we still need to do our personal work.

How you organise your energetic body is very important.

It feeds into everything you do, what you pay attention to, and of course, it’s also about what is feeding off of you, too. This includes relationships, preoccupations, and occupations. Energy vampires are real. Take a moment and ask yourself if you know one. Don’t worry if you do, there are things you can do about it.

Working with your energy body

I see the energetic body AND the physical body as a container - it is a certain size, quality and has a level of integrity. Like a vase – they come in all shapes and sizes, some in glass, some metal, some ceramic. When people are leaking their life force energy, it’s like a vase with a hole in it leaking water. You can repair your container with your imagination and a strong intention, so that you contain your energy instead of leak it out. But if you continue to leak out energy, then you might need to look at the deeper reasons for that.

When someone takes someone else’s energy, I liken it to a smash-and-grab, or a break-in, without permission. Invariably the container gets damaged and needs to be repaired, and then refilled. I have worked with people who’s vase was completely shattered by life experiences, and we put it back together again. Just like that meme of the Japanese vase which was put back together with gold.

A daily spiritual practice is necessary to maintain and look after your energy body/container. Check into yourself now - if you were a container ask yourself - what would you look like, and are you intact? And if not, why not?

So, what is an energetic upgrade?

An energetic upgrade happens when your ‘container’ is upgraded. In other words, your vase enlarges and shifts to being made of a higher quality. This is an expansion of your energy body, and a shift in frequency and vibration of the life force energy that your body can now access.

Energetic upgrades can happen overnight. They can happen in a split second. They usually happen over time, depending on the amount of work that you have put in. However, humanity is going through a massive upgrade right now, whether they like it or not. It is a massive initiation on a global scale. The amount of emotional pain that needs to be released in order to shift and grow into these new frequencies is of a high magnitude, and it can trigger you if you are shifting similar frequencies.

If you’re not ready for an energetic upgrade it can blow a fuse in your brain, or shatter your vase. It can make you sick, come down with flu-like symptoms, and if it’s a very big upgrade it can knock you out for several days, or weeks even.

The physical body must acclimatise to the upgraded energetic frequencies of the life force energy in order to be able to contain it. This is what hurts so much, at times. People call these physical annoyances ‘ascension symptoms.” Many people are experiencing them right now, perhaps for the first time and don’t know what they are.

Some symptoms in no particular order include:

• physical pain / aches and pains / fibromyalgia pain / stiffness / joint pain

• neck/jaw stiffness, shoulder/back pain

• tired /can’t sleep / sleeping too much /

• headaches / dehydration / tinnitus

• wired / hyper /agitated / numbness /

• not hungry / starving / weight loss or gain / swelling or bloating / wanting food that isn’t your normal food / not wanting your normal food

• tingles / nerve pain / buzzing in body

• hot / cold flashes

• anxiety for no reason

• Lack of focus / foggy head / lack of clarity / forgetfulness and distraction

• clumsy, having silly accidents like tripping up the stairs (no comment)

• emotional numbness / emotional overwhelm / extreme emotion

You can see the symptoms are incredibly varied. Makes no sense, right? Well actually it makes a lot of sense. Your body as container has it’s own particular weaknesses, and so those are exploited when the life force energy is changing to a higher frequency.

There are also some amazing symptoms such as:

• increase in intuition, connection, psychic ability

• feeling a deep sense of inner peace, knowing that everything is going to be okay

• increase in messages - songs in the head, signs all around,

• feeling and seeing your angels

• increase in motivation and hope,

• big dreams seeming possible at last

A true Kundalini awakening can drive people to insanity if not handled correctly. You must be gentle with yourself. This is going to increase in intensity for a few more weeks, and continue for the rest of the year.

So if you’re a vegan and suddenly want a steak, have one without guilt. Or if you are a carnivore and need to have a few days of being a veggie, or a fruitarian, then listen to your body and do what it needs. Your body is transforming. You may also find that checking-in with your energy field is helpful. I can help with that - I have programmes on my website for free, to help with exactly this.

Here’s a visualisation you can try:

I hope this helps explain what you may be going through at the moment. It is a massive time for upgrades, and we are evolving rapidly. It is an honour to be alive right now. For years we have hidden in the background, now everybody is effected. Everyone is getting upgraded whether they want it or not. Ride the waves of it my friends, talk about it, don’t be worried, it’s all part of the plan.

NOTE: I am here to help. If you want support or to talk to like-minded people about this, come along to my telegram group, find a healing session on my website, or you can chat in the comments below.

We have to walk away from the old and create something new for ourselves that is unfuckwithable.

Those of us who have some level of spiritual and emotional maturity can see this very clearly, yet we are still in a grieving process where we must rationalise the disappointment that we have been feeling, alongside the anger at what we have seen happen to us, and to the people that we love dearly. This is a complex and delicate process, and with it, we are navigating new waters.

Waiting for someone else to fix the world is child-like thinking. We must get up off of our own asses, and do it for ourselves. Our grieving process, along with the continuous distraction from the media, (be it far left, far right, or perverted middle), is keeping us away from doing what we need to do. And I understand why - we don’t have the energy to grieve and to build at the same time.

I feel by writing this I breaking the cycle by singing out my song, my note, loud, and maybe alone. But loud nonetheless, loud enough for someone else to hear it and to start singing along with me at the same frequency and vibration, until other people hear it, put down their black mirror devices in whatever form they take, and start singing too. Whether the song be one of intense grief, or intense hope; sadness, joy or pain, at least we will be clearing and healing ourselves, and not remaining entangled in the illusion.

Let me back up a little bit.

I’ve met some very good people on the ground in Ireland who are determined that things should be different, yet they lack direction. I can see that at times, many of them are adopting a ‘Where is the leader and who will tell us what to do?’ mentality. I do it myself from time to time - we are conditioned to think that way. We are not lost sheep, we are stronger than that, but we do still have that touch of magical thinking that comes with childhood - Daddy will fix it, Mummy will fix it. I wonder - is this in our conditioning too? It pulls us back into the entangled mesh of distraction, where we become fascinated trying to figure out which ‘celebrity’ is Mummy or Daddy… Enough!!

Besides the deep sense of inner knowing that we must parent ourselves out of this, one other thing really strikes me at this moment - change will not happen quickly.

Think of it like this - if the cabal was real, and they were playing ‘the long game’, they would have some sort of war room where they would have spent hours, weeks, decades even - planning, machinating, strategising and deploying people, investing money, shifting trajectories alongside astrological energies that are in their favour, so that its all aligned with their grand plan. We all know they do this, and have been doing this for eons.

Take another step back - they must have put hours, weeks, decades even, into creating the actual grand plan, should one exist.

And what have we done?

We have woken up, seen what has been going on and our heads are still spinning as we try to make sense of it all. To say it as a friend of mine put it - we are currently running around like headless chickens.

We have to be patient with ourselves.

We can’t condense decades of planning into a single meeting on a wet and windy Thursday night where we really just want in our heart of hearts to wake up in a different world where it has already been done for us. It won’t be done for us - thats the whole point. We have to do it for ourselves. And we, currently, don’t have a ‘grand plan’, heck, we don’t even know how many people are standing in our corner of the room.

So we do need to stop for a moment - running around headless takes up a huge amount of energy. Don’t you think they know that? Don’t you think that’s part of their ‘grand plan scenario’ should we wake up? Provide the headless chickens with enough distractions so that they don’t even realise that they’ve been put in another cage, far enough away perhaps from the other chickens, but still in a cage nonetheless?

Our biggest resource is our energy. They feed off of that. How? Just like this:

They broke you down, they tricked you,
They stabbed you through the heart,
They feasted on your effervescence,.
They relished you apart.
They stole your youth and stole your money
Convinced you they were right
But every time they ripped you open
Closer came their night

I see you, by Mark Attwood

Let’s stop being headless chickens.

Let’s realise that we are not going to fix this in one day, one week, or one year, even. We don’t have a grand plan, not just yet, anyway. But what we can do, is pull our energy out of everything they made, and start using it to heal and get stronger. Let’s pour our energy and attention into what we want to see in the world, instead of into the grief that we are feeling around what they’ve taken from us.

It’s hard to do that, God knows, but God knows. And we know that God knows. And God knows that we know that God knows. So we are off to a good start.

So - to use the astrology of these times and put it into our favour for a change - the time is right for us to meet each other. To open a dialogue. To purge our anger and disappointment and become motivated. Let’s begin to imagine what we can create, envision what we would like to see in our world.

Here’s the truth of it - the meek will inherit the earth. We are nothing like the image we get from ‘meek’ however meek, meaning not getting involved in front line fighting. Not to spend our energy believing someone will save us. And the earth - when we are ready and able to, we will build something beautiful and then it belongs to us. We’ve already started.

It will take time. We must be patient. We don’t have a grand plan, we haven’t had decades, and many of us are still floundering in the dark.

Remember, each of us has our strengths and we are not the same for a reason - when we put it all together we have everything we need.

So get out there and meet people on the ground. Talk about what your skill sets are and what you’d like to see in your community. Allow your passion to drive you, if it lights you up, if you care about it strongly enough, then it could be your job to make it happen. Ask yourself ‘What can I do to contribute?’ And then go do it. Really, really do it.

Let me know what you think in the comments.

Colluding with delusions to make someone happy - I don’t do that either. I’m a psychotherapist by training and we don’t collude. We also did not come to this place to be happy, we came to grow. So being happy is not the goal of life. But people don’t like that idea. They won’t put the work in to be responsible for themselves because it’s difficult. This explains a lot.

Psychotherapists listen and try to understand. We offer compassion and empathy, and a safe space for the other person to explore their feelings. Unless someone is at risk of harming themselves or someone else. Then we must call it out. It’s also imperative that psychotherapists show their clients where they may be seeing things from a forced perspective, where they are not giving others the benefit of the doubt. Because we tend to believe the stories we tell ourselves over the truth, even if the stories we tell ourselves are harmful.

If clients are in an abusive situation then we encourage them to become empowered so they can decide what to do for themselves. But ultimately we cannot give advice, we cannot tell someone what to do. This makes life as a psychotherapist difficult at the best of times - it’s a vocation for sure.

Knowing right from wrong is vital. Giving someone space to decide for themselves is also vital. But we do not ever need to compromise our own beliefs for someone else’s. Let me say that again. Nobody has the right to enforce their thinking upon you and make you collude with their story. And you don’t have the right to do that to anybody else either.

When a client won’t take responsibility for themselves and projects this responsibility out to the other, we, as psychotherapists must see it and catch it and gently push it back to them and show them what they are doing, without taking on that responsibility ourselves. This can be so subtle that as compassionate beings we can be like the frog in the saucepan, taking it on little by little without realising it until we are embroiled. That’s where the training comes in useful - it helps us see it quicker and put a stop to it.

So. In a world where people are encouraged to live a deluded life, where the systems of education and law are promoting a deluded life, where delusion seems to be seeping into the very fabric of our society, how does a person like me hold themselves?

With integrity. With authenticity. And with grace. Anger is inevitable but we must learn to manage our anger and not fall into name calling and labelling people. And we must live congruently - as above, so below. For me this is the core essence of who I am and I am not ever going to change this because of someone else’s need to be happy. And I would never expect you to twist yourself out of your alignment to make me happy either. This is where two responsible adults can agree to disagree.

Lecture over. Is there anything else you’d like to add? Or do you see a fundamental error in my debate? Let me know. I’m open to listening and changing my mind. Unusual qualities I think? Yes?

I watched a soap opera for 30 years of my life. One day, while watching characters that I used to love scream at each other, I decided I didn’t like them anymore. I had had enough. I realised that the show had slowly deteriorated and I was that frog in the saucepan, hanging on for dear life, hoping the situation would improve. At that moment I realised that I actually wasn’t enjoying the show at all, the storylines were petty, irritating and exasperating. The investment of my time and energy into the character’s lives was a drain and I had better things to do. I never regretted that decision, but it was a shock to me to see how long I held on for before reaching that point.

Why is there always so much drama? Not only in soap operas, but in real life too?

Look over here, now look over there… I was looking in all the directions - the ones they pointed out, the ones the other side pointed out, and the ones that nobody was pointing out, just in case I was missing something.

I wasn’t missing out on anything.

A friend of mine used to work in television. She said that the news was designed to run like a soap opera, each storyline lasting for at least two weeks, sometimes three, nothing really happening in-between. In the middle of the plandemic she suggested I took some time off to restore balance and reduce my stress levels, assuring me that it would be okay if I did so. I took her advice, and she was right, I didn’t miss much. I remember how difficult that was to do, because when we are on high alert, we need to keep our eyes wide open in case we miss something.

They keep the drama going to keep us on high alert. This drains us, and makes us weak.

I have decided how I’m going to live. I have decided what I believe. I know this can be difficult for some people, and I respect that because I’ve had years where it’s been difficult for me. But I have chosen, and I have decided. I think perhaps you have too. If not, setting an intention to choose and to decide, can help with the process of getting to that point.

And similarly, I’m choosing to walk away from the real-life soap opera. Is it even real? It’s difficult to know. When it comes down to it, does it really matter? We never truly know what is real, anyway.

Our energy and time are the most valuable things that we have, and time is ticking, life is passing us by.

If I can say hand-on-heart that I did my best, that I have no regrets, that I am as good a person as I can be and that I never chose to deliberately harm anyone, then why do I need to know about everything that is going on outside of my own back yard?

Okay, yes it is useful to keep an ear out, to check the temperature, but do I need to know every single detail?

What I spend my time on and what I am aware of, what I pour my energy into, dictates how I feel. And that sets the baseline for the quality of my life. I no longer give permission for my energy to be sucked away by real-life, soap-opera-type drama.

I’ll say that again. I no longer give permission for my time and energy to be sucked away by drama.

How about you?

I invite you to do the same - at the very least set an intention to get your energy back from whatever it is that is sucking it from you. Did you give permission? Are you like I was, a frog in a saucepan not realising how hot it was getting and that it was long past time to jump out?

If it helps, decide what you believe, and decide how you want to live, and then become more choosy more pernickety, more fussy and more discerning, as to what you spend your precious life-force energy, and time on. You are allowed to judge. And you are allowed to say no to things.

And who knows, doing this may free you up to be more compassionate, more tolerant and more loving to yourself, and to everyone around you, and that alone, will make this world a better place.

His opposing point of view held some credibility. And this took me by surprise. I had a twinge inside of me, one that reminds me that I’m not always right, one that warns me that perhaps in this case I’m out of alignment with The Truth.
I said to my husband, ‘I think I know what the biggest problem of all is.’
He looked defensive, ready to fight back, yet he said, ‘Go on, what is it then?’
Then I said, ‘We no longer have a platform where we can have a reasonable debate, hear all sides of the argument, and make an informed decision.’
He agreed. Seemed surprised at me, too. And then we went on with our day.

But I couldn’t move on completely. That deep internal twinge doesn’t happen often and it made me wonder how lost I have become, if I have gotten lost, at all. I remember years ago I would listen to argument and agree with it, then listen to the alternative side, and agree with that too. I think I know who I am much better now, and I’m not afraid to hear the opposition. But I’m just not hearing any, at all.

You see, with alternative media we have created another echo chamber, one that is filled with anger and fear. Just as much fear, unfortunately, as the mainstream has been pumping out. I understand why - we feel let down completely and have lost faith, and trust, in our government. My husband doesn’t feel ‘they’ are out to get us, and he could be right at some level, yet another part of me feels that ‘they’ are running on a malicious agenda, and anything that comes from the mainstream comes directly from them, and makes me feel physically ill. So I have turned it off and don’t feel that keen, or able to turn it back on again.

Interestingly, earlier this morning, before watching David Cullen, I had a very vivid dream where I was involved with a tearaway group who were considering how to bring down the government. It had started with protests, then acts of rebellion, but we weren’t getting anywhere. Somehow I managed to convince them all that we should run for government. Myself included. I was up for it! We realised, that if each of us recruited three other people to help us, only three, that we would have a representative in every county of whatever country it was that we were in. (It was, of course, a dream.) We decided and agreed to go ahead with that course of action. All was left was for us to give ourselves a party name. In my head I was running through all the standard political party names - conservative (no), liberal (no), labour (no), then someone said: ‘Let’s call ourselves the “What the hell just happened and let’s make sure that it never happens again, party”. Then the phone rang and I was pulled out of the dream.

What the hell just happened? Let’s make sure that it never happens again. Never a truer thing has been spoken. I’m sure more people than we realise would be interesting in joining this particular political party, if it was at all a possibility.

My husband brought me up a cup of tea. So I decided to stay in bed a little longer, and opened up substack. Paul Kingsnorth had just published an essay.

The Abbey of Misrule

The Savage Reservation

‘Did you eat something that didn’t agree with you?’ asked Bernard. The Savage nodded. ‘I ate civilisation.’ The Machine is like an exotic gemstone unveiled before us, laid out on a cloth of black velvet. At first we gasp, then we wonder. What is this miracle? Where did it come from? Who made it? It glisters in the daylight in ways which our best artists cannot capture. The Machine glisters and it makes promises…

Read more

3 years ago · 153 likes · 92 comments · Paul Kingsnorth

In it he says this:

(the alternative to becoming enslaved to the Machine, as he calls it) …is to speak truth and try to live it, to set your boundaries and refuse to step over them. It is to be a conscientious objector to the Machine.

You will never do this perfectly, and you should never try. This is not a puritan endeavour. It is a rebellion: a mode of existence-as-resistance. It is hard and messy and ongoing and to even begin it is a victory. To do it alone is a deep achievement; to do it with others, to build a community around it if you can, may help. To understand the nature of the Total System, and then to do what you can in your own life to resist it, and refuse to feed it: this is the work.

His words, especially this quote above, really touched me exactly where I needed to be touched, at exactly the right time.

It has been messy. And I was feeling messy as I read it. I felt relieved that he spoke about this, and that, in essence, he has given me permission to be messy too.

Only yesterday I was telling a friend of a friend that I’ve got friends in the truther movement but I don’t believe in everything they believe in. I heard myself say this with an apologetic tone and wondered where that came from. She said the obvious thing, ‘But of course you don’t need to believe everything someone else believes!', yet some child-like aspect of me did need to hear it. Perhaps it was the child-like aspect of me that was apologetic, too. The one that wants to believe everything everybody says, to keep the peace. The time for keeping the peace has passed.

I can catch myself when I stray away from truth and from the truth of who I am. But I know that many people can’t and it’s so easy to get caught up in the passion of who is around you and what they believe.

Let me bring it back to this: What is missing is a platform for pure and true debate. Debate the old fashioned way, where we weren’t afraid of being cancelled, or afraid of hurting anyone’s feelings. When people said it like it is, spoke how they felt it in their hearts, and their authenticity shone through even if the words were messy. Today, speaking truthfully is like walking across a field of broken glass with bare feet, naked, with everybody watching us as we walk, and some of the watchers have snipers and are not afraid to use them.

We are in Earth School, as my friend Neil Kramer calls it. We didn’t come here to have a good time and be pandered to. Or have our delusions colluded with. We came here to learn, to grow, to discover the difference between what is true and what is not. It can hurt. And it’s most certainly not comfortable.

When we say we’re interested in what is true, then we cannot dismiss what doesn’t suit our narrative. For we have created a narrative too. Own it. We forget that the ‘alternative voices’ do have something to say, whichever that alternative may be. We have been divided deliberately for this reason, so we could be pitched against each other irrationally and forget our humanity.

Please my friends. Keep your eyes, ears and hearts wide open and allow for the messiness. Know you’re not always right about everything and be able to admit to it. Life is about learning and growing and when we only listen to what suits us then we are not challenged and without that pressure, there is no true growth.

I say it again because it is worth repeating. If opposing points of view could be represented somewhere, without fear, we would have a much more balanced and understanding world. That is what we need right now. A way to hear and listen to each other. I’m asking for that. It starts at home. Let’s manifest it together.

The moment Tino died I felt his spirit leave his body. Even though the poor little doggie named Tino on the table had just died, the spirit of Tino was very much alive, and was hovering around my head. I felt it strongly.

And then he spoke to me.

It was so clear, powerful, his essence was palpable. He was substantial. I heard him telepathically in my mind. He forgave my mum for the procedure, he said he understood. Then he said he had a good life with her. I wanted to say something in return, to reassure him. He hung there, in the air, as if he didn’t know what to do next. I didn’t know either, I’ve not done much psychopomp with animals. Knowing he was a breeding dog, I suggested that he probably had lots of grand-baby-puppies that he didn't know about, that he could go visit, now that he was free. He suddenly wanted to see them and got quite excited. A soul, getting excited? But I could feel his excitement - it was a lifting of the energy in the room. It was electric and quite fantastic to experience. At this point, there was no doubt whatsoever in my mind that we were communicating with each other.

So here was the spirit of a dog excited at the prospect of being able to visit his grand-babies. “How do I see them? How do I see them?” he asked me. It was almost funny, in a way. I answered him honestly and said, ‘I don't know. But maybe I know someone who can help.” Then I called on my angel and asked him, and, within seconds, Tino’s spirit was gone.

There had been a very heavy presence in the room, and then it was there no longer. I felt sad, I suddenly missed him, and wanted to keep talking We were only getting started and I was enjoying it. But a conversation with me wasn’t going to serve him. So I said goodbye and let him go.

As I walked back to my car I replayed our moment of communion over and over again in my head, feeling honoured for the gift of it, grateful for the opportunity. And then I tried to imagine how all of that beautiful soul essence had fit into the small dog on the table - there must be some kind of folding or collapsing, like a fan, or origami. My mother’s grief kept me grounded and in the moment.

Later that evening I looked at my own dog, Milo, who also has a little body and a strong presence. He's very needy. I have found myself on many occasions getting short tempered with him, angry and upset because I want to rest at home, and he is always wanting something from me. But after meeting with Tino I had a different perspective on Milo. Now it's not that I didn't know there was a soul inside his body. It was just, perhaps, that the communication between me and the soul of a dog had never been so strong, or so possible. I had a newfound respect for dogs, and that spilled into my relationship with Milo. I vowed to be more tolerant.

However, several weeks later and I’m short tempered again with my little dog. He is so disobedient, even though he’s very good with the children he thinks when I’m not looking he can do what he wants, and it irritates the hell out of me. My daughter, Mya, is a real dog person. I can see her having many dogs as she grows up. She has so much compassion and love, and much more tolerance for Milo than I do. Me, I think I prefer cats, which is funny, because I was always told that cats were terrible pets. My father and brother didn’t like cats, and I thought I didn’t like cats too, because they told me I didn’t. I got a cat just over a year ago, for my youngest daughter. But he and I bonded, much to her upset. My cat gives me space and I give him space, and we get along just fine.

So today I took my space by going for a walk in the park, alone. Forgetting of course that it was Sunday, the park was busy. I had to queue for a parking space, and there was a large line of families queuing up to get coffee. I let go of my need for an after-walk coffee, but I kept walking because it was less windy there than at home and the sun was out. I love the winter sun.

And of course, many people were out walking their dogs. There was a particularly friendly Dalmatian there who insisted on saying hello to every other dog he met. As I walked past I happened to overhear his owner exclaim, “What would the world be like if humans were more like dogs, wanting to say hello to everyone they meet?”

As I walked I thought to myself - we don’t do that because we’d never get anything done! We just don't have the time, there are too many people around, we would be meeting and greeting all day.

I believe we did do that at one point, though. I do believe that we did say hello to everybody that we met. That we knew everyone in our community, intimately. We would support them, work with them, and they would reciprocate.

So what would such a world look like?

It all comes back to space. We were not designed to live together at such close quarters. AND we were not designed to live in cities. Think about chickens in the cage, what do they do? They pluck, and pick and attack each other. I’ve seen photos of battery hen farms where they take the beak off the chicken because they peck each other to death, being so closely together.

This leads me to think that part of the problem that we have with relationships is because we're too close to each other - we're on top of each other all the time. Adult children forced to live with their elderly parents because they cannot afford a house of their own.

And smartphones bring yet another layer of closeness - texting, Instagram stories and Tik Tok. No sooner do you have a thought you can send it to your friend by text, who then texts you in a similar way. The internet floods into our inner-net and we have trouble telling them apart. Although I do believe this is stimulating our telepathic abilities - how often do you think of a friend now, and receive a text from them almost at the same time? Or do you pick up your phone at exactly the moment a message comes in for you?

I saw a video last year (when I was doing my down-the-rabbit-hole research) about resources, explaining how there are enough resources in the world for everyone, and that we are not overpopulated, we are just badly organised. They said cities are a deliberate construct, to keep us in the drama and difficulty of what it means to be so closely connected to another human being. It distracts us from our spiritual growth and from doing our inner work, which makes us empowered, sovereign beings. Deliberate? Now you know why. (If you can find the video or have one similar do share it in the comments as I am unable to find it,)

Think about the elites - in their big houses with plenty of space, houses with extensions and spaces where they can lounge around all day and maybe never be seen or heard by whoever else happens to be in the house at the time. They also have a summer houses I’m sure, and winter houses. They don't live in close quarters. They are the ones funding the design of these cities. They’re probably laughing at us all the time. The little people. And now they suggest that we live in smart cities, like The Line.

Where do we go from here?

People cooped up like battery chickens needing drugs to stay calm, because they can’t remove our beaks but they can remove our will to live and break our spirit? No thank you. Blade Runner is just a story, not a prediction of our future, isn’t it?

I have to bring it back to my walking, feet on the ground, winter sunshine through the trees and dogs. It’s too easy to pull away and fall into some tangental pit that becomes impossible to pull myself out of.

That’s what will happen to many of us this year if we are not mindful. Perhaps we really do need to be more like dogs. We just have too much our our minds.